Leave a Trace: Book Two

Chapter Twenty: Bridges

Chapter Twenty: Bridges

Christmas was terrible. Everyone was informed the truth about Zane's health the next day and he kind of migrated near Colton and his family because he didn't know the rest of us.

He tried to help me with the twins and I know he really wanted to and I did let him because he wants to help, but it's not the same.

I feel like I'm cheating on my husband.

I keep crying every time I'm alone. The doctor put him in therapy and did tests on his brain and he said it might all come back or it might not. He said he might get bits and pieces and that's it. He also said he might get nothing back.

I'm hoping for the first one but I'll take the second.

He's stopped fighting with me about going out now and I find myself covering myself up when I'm nursing because it's just awkward.

It feels like I'm living with a stranger, but he's not a stranger.

He tries to remember and I'm not sure how to help him.

I've though about taking the twins and leaving him but I can't. I can't do it.

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

He asks me weird questions sometimes and they'll be out of the blue.

The only good thing that has come out of this is me working out so much that I tightened up the rest of the loose skin.

"I have a question." He says. It's already January fifteenth.

"Ask away." I say quietly, flipping through the cookbook for something to make with stuff we already have.

"Did we lose our virginity to each other?"

My eyes snap up at his, startled.

Why is he thinking about that?

"Yes." I say slowly.

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable." He says slowly.

I push my glasses up on my nose and set the cookbook down on the bar top with a slow sigh.

"You broke up with me that night." I say. "I think it was a Thursday night. I didn't want to have sex until I finished with the Olympics because I didn't want to get pregnant and ruin my career." He leans against the counter and listens intently. "Anyways, you broke up with me because you were pissed off because Alicia showed up." At the mention of Alicia, his face floods with disgust. "I know you hate her. I hate her too." He nods and waits for me to continue. "And we would do other stuff involving...hands...and mouths." I clear my throat. "But we never had sex...and that night...well it felt right that night, so I told you we didn't have to stop..." I pause. "So we didn't stop."

"What were you wearing?" He asks.

"Uh..."

"I'm not asking for pleasure." He says suddenly. "I'm asking because little details might help."

"I honestly don't remember." I say truthfully. I take a sip of my coffee to calm myself down.

"Have we ever done anal?" He asks.

I start choking, spluttering coffee all over his white t-shirt and the counter. I turn on the faucet and gulp water, straightening up to look at him with wide eyes. The water I was gulping as soaked my shirt, making my white tank top see through. We both look down at my chest at the same time and my nipples are so noticeable that it's like I'm not wearing a shirt at all. I clamp my hand over my chest.