for better or for worse // mitchel cave (completed)

part XXXIX

*mitchel's pov, 2 weeks later*

"mitchel, we're going to the club, you gonna join?" clinton's voice broke me out of my trance. i had been dabbling around on my guitar, scribbling notes down onto a piece of paper as aimless thoughts that could be transcribed to lyrics came to me.

the only positive thing that came out of the break up between lara and i a month and a half ago was the way it affected my song writing. it almost told a story.

the way i wrote songs when i first saw her, when she was with clinton, showed how envious i was of my brother and how smitten i was with her. the way i wrote music when she was finally mine, when our affection blossomed, showed how happy and inspired i was. the way i wrote the lyrics when she cheated on me and stomped on my heart, showed how depressed and broken i was.

and i couldn't say i was any better than before. i still invited the occasional girl over and fucked around with them but i had taken to staying inside and working on music, rather than hitting the party scene.

the boys after tour weren't into clubs and i was commonly the one dragging them to the bars, but now the roles were reversed. they finally were rested and ready to hit the scene and i frankly wasn't having it.

"i think i'm gonna stay in tonight, i'm almost done with the bridge of this song," i murmured, dipping my head back down to look at my nimble fingers as i worked on chord progressions to fit the rhythm.

jesse rolled his eyes. "are you still stuck on that whore?"

the room fell quiet. the boys never insulted lara and neither did i. they had all loved her when she was with me, and they knew she wasn't a bad person necessarily. she had just made a mistake, even i could realize that.

"what the hell do you mean?" clinton inquired, shock dripping in his voice. i nodded my head with his words. "yeah, what do you mean?" i said, an eyebrow raising up in curiosity.

jesse glanced at the floor and shook his head. "i feel like we all downplay what she did," he murmured, shrugging his shoulders. i opened my mouth to respond but he waved me off. "listen man, i don't want to hear it. i'm gonna go ahead and get in the car." then he turned on his heel and it left only me, christian, and clinton in the spacious living room.

christian instantly gave me a look. "do you have any idea what's going on with that?"

i shook my head, just as bewildered as him. i had no idea what would make jesse act like that and i didn't want to. thinking about this was probably just going to stress me out and i really needed to finish this song.

i sighed and looked up. "i don't care honestly. he can be angry and annoyed somewhere else, and stop taking it out on laralyn," i groaned, starting to strum my guitar again and trying to push the annoyed memory of jesse out of my mind.

"you sure you don't want to go with us?" clinton asked, trying to give me a reassuring smile.

i shook my head. "i might invite a girl over or something, i'd rather not go out."

they were used to my habitual girls and nodded their heads at my words, offering a few goodbyes and strolling out to the car.

finally, i was isolated. i wasn't sure i wanted to go out and i felt like being drunk and lonely was more appropriate for the situation.

i strummed my guitar a bit, frustration taking over me as i tried to write the lyrics that could convey how i was feeling. there were no words for the heartbreak and despair that consumed you when you were lost in love.

because that's what i truly was. i was lost in love. love had grabbed me, it had molded me, it had brought a new feeling into my once bland life, and then it left.

but it didn't leave without a mark, it left by replacing that once cherished feeling in my heart, with the tainted streaks of heartbreak.

there was really only one time that that could be erased from my body and now i was fixing it.

an hour and a half later, i had too many beer cans to count littered around my body and everything was moving in slow motion. i laughed as i put my guitar down, sending out a few fuzzy tweets and liking random shit. alcohol was my one authentic love i felt sometimes.

my phone buzzed with a new text notification, and i squinted as i tried to make out the contact name. shit, i was a little too buzzed but oh well.

jessie:

mind if i come over babe?

i scoffed at the text, wondering why laralyn's ex best friend was bothering me at this time of night. i sighed, unable to think straight and maybe i was a little too fucked up to answer.

the keyboard seemed to blur together as i typed out a response. i had absolutely nothing to lose, i was drunk, single, and lonely.

mitchel:

go for it.

was it a mistake? yeah probably. i lumbered to the fridge and swung open the door, grabbing a can of budlight and snapping open the lid. if i was gonna make mistakes, i might as well be beyond wasted while doing it.

twenty minutes later, i heard the knock on my door and opened up the entrance of the door to see a familiar head of long platinum blonde hair and too much mascara in front on me.

"hey bab-"

"shut up and get inside," i murmured.

as horny, drunk, and lonely as i was at the moment, i was forever going to be annoyed with her personality. she opened her mouth to retaliate, but by the steely way i looked at her, she knew that there was only one way she could get what she wanted, and running her mouth wasn't helping.

she strolled into the house, her eyes roaming over the furniture, the television, trying to look anywhere besides me.

we both wanted this, but for different reasons.

she wanted this because she had always wanted me, and it was proven she would stop at nothing to get that. it was common knowledge between us that this was nothing but physical. there were no emotions involved, i wasn't sure i could ever have positive emotions again anyway.

i wanted this because of several reasons. i was so lonely, i always had sex with the random club girls but i didn't know their names, and having a familiar face to hook up with, even if i hated her, was better than a stranger.

also, this was my own personal 'fuck you.' it was my last act of defiance in how i conformed to the grasp of heartbreak. no one could take away my independence, not even the love of my life.

jessie clamped her mouth shut, but not for long, as i was soon exploring it with my tongue. as irritating as she was, she was a damn good kisser.

the night got later and clothes were strewn and discarded along the floor of my bedroom as i explored a body i had not in any way wanted to explore before.

how drunk i was helped me forget it all, and her embrace almost felt like lara's if i tried hard enough.

maybe it was wrong but maybe i didn't care.

my life was only getting deeper and deeper into this shitty abyss, and i might as well have some fun while i was falling.

_________

omg so jessie and mitchel hooked up holy fuckkkk guys, now what do you think of mitchel?? the more votes, the faster i update, and comments always help❤️ y'all are really da best readers ever!