Queen of Hearts - Vikings

Chapter 10

Warning: mentions of rape, suicide attempts and torture. Readers discretion advised.

It had been a few weeks since I had arrived at this hellish town. Every moment since my departure from Kattegat had been agony. I was now married to this man for whom I had nothing but hatred. I loathed every fiber of existence and swore that, one day, I would be the one to end his pitiful life.
I thought that the pain of leaving behind my family would ache less over time but it did the opposite. All I could think of was being wrapped in Helga's gentle embrace as Floki told stories by the fire; singing with Kari as I braided her hair neatly; or anything with Ivar.

Ivar.

Every bone in my body begged to be near him, to see his smile or even that familiarly surly scowl. I longed for him every day until my memories of him began to fade into grey. Even then, I still loved him deep inside. I cherished every memory that I had of him for months on end. Everytime Eric's hand struck my face, I would remind myself of those familiar blue eyes. The ones that had always comforted me. The ones I loved.

I walked into Eric's sleeping quarters... The room I was forced to share with him. I loathed every moment I spent in this room. Every time I walked through the door, something happened.

"Wife!" The word rang through my ears as I spun around to see my husband with his drunken friends. I scoffed scornfully.

"Yes husband?" I questioned, eyes narrowed at each man before me. There were five of them including Eric.

"Is she not just the most beautiful woman you've ever seen?" Eric showed me off like a trophy to his friends. It was humiliating, he treated my like a piece of meat. The men all mumbled agreements, their eyes raking over my body as I glared at each of them.

"I've seen better." One of the men piped up. This did not please Eric in the least. He wanted validation, he wanted to know that everything he had was the best.

He narrowed his eyes at the man, "But have you felt better?"

I looked at him in shock as the words left his lips. All the men looked at me hungrily. "What did you just say?" I almost yelled. I did not want to experience where this is going.

"You know what I just said, woman." He hissed. Suddenly, he had hold of me and threw me into the wall. The man at the back crawled on top of me as I thrashed, trying to get free. The others watched and waited their turns. I screamed for freedom, trying to fight back, but I could not break free. That was when it happened. He violated me, much like Eric had done before, and now the others were going to do the same. I let a silent tear stream down my face as my body went numb and stiff. I couldn't fight back, I couldn't stop what was happening. I just wanted it all to be over. I begged the Gods for it to just be dream, for me to wake up and go hunting with Bjorn or something. Anything but this. Nothing could ever wash me clean of this.
It was horrific that Eric had done such a thing, but I was his wife. For him to let this group of men do this... It wasn't just humiliating... It made every fire of my being burn until I wanted nothing more than to just scratch myself from existence.

I lay in silence for a long time after the men had left. They all exited the room and I could not move to chase them and kill them. I could not do anything. I felt used. I felt betrayed. I felt broken.

I silently sat up, my eyes still cold and lifeless as I began to walk towards the door. By now, Eric was likely doing something foolish with his friends. I had time to leave. However, I knew there was only one way out of this nightmare.

I could not escape, no matter how much I willed it, I could not break free. I wanted nothing more than for everything to end. I didn't want to live this life anymore (if it could even be called a life). I would do anything to tear free from its grasp. The Gods would punish me, that much I knew. But anything was better than this. Even Hel was better than this. Perhaps I could go to Niffelheim. It was boring, of course. Boring still defeats the dread I feel every time I wake up and realise where I am... Or every time I close my eyes and remember all he's done.

I mindlessly wandered out of the town to the huge cliff face with nothing more than my dagger. If I was to die, I would die somewhere vaguely nice looking.
When I finally reached the top of the cliff, I let out a shrill cry. A cry for all the Gods to hear, telling them that I would be with them shortly. Tears streamed down my face and I shook violently. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't take the torture. I couldn't keep living. The only thing that comforted me was the thought that one day, maybe I would find Ivar again. Though, he would surely go to Valhalla and if I did this... There was no chance of that for me.
I lifted the sharp knife into the air, ready to plunge it into my stomach. It began its descent but, before it could reach my soft flesh, it was stopped.
I turned to face whomever had just stopped me from gaining my relief. My eyes widened as I faced Eric's furious gaze. He was not pleased.

I spent the next week chained to a wall in the middle of the street. Rats crawled over me, their fur brushing against my skin. I'd always hated rats. People stopped by me and threw things at me. They threw stones, rotten food, anything the could find. I was beaten, battered down into the shell of a woman, and then left here to rot for a week. When Eric unchained me again, he acted like nothing had happened. Like I hadn't been gang raped because of him, like the attempted suicide never happened, like he hadn't beaten me and chained me up for the entire town to abuse for a week.

But that happened.

And I vowed revenge. I would not try to kill myself again. Why would I? My goal should be with killing him and every man who ever made me feel weak.