Post Olympic

GET. ME. TO. HER.

ah, ah yes, Fen's perspective. 

MUSIC: put me under - grandson

alright, cool

ALSO HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICO? YEHAHH

-rabid

******************

-FENRIR-

"Fen," I can't focus on her through the pain in my core, but I stare at her anyway, she looks broken. I know what's going to happen because of this, because of my blood on the ice. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." she chokes. I have half the heart to lift an arm to brush across her cheek, but we're on live TV. Jorgen stands up when the EMTs surround me. His attention shifts to Nico. Good. She needs more attention than I do.

I'm lifted and strapped onto a stretcher. When I look down, all I see is blood. My vision is clouding again, I blink it away.

I watch Jorgen wrap his arms around Nico's shoulders to keep her steady, he takes her off the ice, past the bench. I know they're taking her into the locker room. She's not okay. It's my fault.

She's suffering because of me.

"Sir, we have to take you in an ambulance." I drop my head back to the stretcher once I can't see Nico anymore. I don't respond to the statement. I didn't even listen to it.

I can hardly imagine what's happening to her. She told me she was cursed. That every person she cares about gets killed. Her mom. Liza. Keller. She probably thinks I'm going to die. Her brain probably told her that I'm dead.

I'm not dead. She needs to know I'm not dead. Rod, the other assistant coach is in the ambulance with me. Hadley is finishing out the game. He watches the EMTs rush around me.

God, fuck this hurts.

They're digging out chunks of ice from my stomach. I'm trying not to scream, clamping my mouth shut. All that I'm doing is gripping the rail and whining in pain.

When they've cleaned up all the gunk, I'm able to see one clean cut down my stomach. The only thing that could possibly cause something like this is a skate blade. The width of the cut, the two even sides, and uneven center.

I'm not even focused on my knee, that feels like it's been twisted all the way around.

They've got me on a table. Rod is still here.

"Tell her I'm okay." My voice is gone. He gives me a weird look. "Just fucking tell Nico I'll be fine."

"Why?"

"Just do it."

The next ten minutes include me screaming and howling as they pull my stomach back together with string and glue.

Then they move me again, my own room I think. My knee is up in a sling and taped. Every second drags by as I wait for something to happen.

They had to cut off my jersey and my pads to get to my stomach, so I guess I'm only wearing underwear and sweaty socks right now. My skates they managed to keep, they're sitting by the door. Skates, one shin guard, one sock, my elbow pads, and that's it.

My phone is going off next to me, so I look at it.

Mom and dad.

I can't think about anything but the agony in Nico's eyes when Jorgen pulled her away from me. Thank god she's not in the hospital.

Damn this IV is itchy.

Mom and dad call again, this time I pick up.

"FEN?" They're on speakerphone on the other side.

"I'm okay," I mumble.

"That was the single dumbest thing you've ever done in hockey." Elias.

"We thought you were going to die!" Dad.

"I knew I shouldn't have let you play professionally." Mom.

"I'm alright," I sigh into the phone. "Just got a little messed up. It's okay."

"What happened?"

"Alec Smithton accidentally stepped on my stomach after checking me. I think they took him in for whiplash. My knee is sprained, and my stomach is fucked."

"Language." my Mom grumbles.

"Yeah, yeah." I snort. "I'll be okay in three weeks, that's what they said."

The door creaks open. Hadley. I almost drop my phone.

"Fuck, I gotta go, he's here, shit." I hang up on my parents and look up at Hadley and Jorgen.

"Is she okay?" I manage. They look confused. "Tell me she's okay."

"Who?" Hadley starts, but Jorgen holds up a hand. Thank god he knows what I mean.

"Nico is okay." He drags a hand through his black hair, setting it off so that it covers the scar on his head better.

"What happened, did she-" Hadley shakes his head.

"Nico fought until she passed out. They wanted to take her in, but we told them it would only make it worse. She didn't return to the bench." I drop my head back. "She thinks you're dead."

"Get me to her," I sit up, making my stitches scream. "Get me to Nico, I don't care how, I don't. Fuck my stomach, fuck the knee. I can't stay here."

"You have to, just one night." Jorgen sighs.

"How the hell do you expect me to stay here? She's out there, completely alone, probably freaking the hell out, Jorgen, she thinks I'm dead. I can't let her sleep thinking I'm fucking dead, pissed off? Fine. Ignoring her? Fine. Dead? Hell no."

"Call her then."

"I can't do that. I have to, I have to get to her," I wave my arms around. "Fuck the hospital, you don't understand!"

"Fen, lie down, we know she means a lot to you, but you have to stay here." Hadley puts his hand on my forehead.

"No!" I protest. "No no no! I can't let this go on for another minute, I have to get to her, I fucked up! Now she thinks I'm dead!"

"Sir," A nurse appears out of nowhere. "You need to calm down, you're not stable yet."

"Fuck that! I can't stay here!" I'm sitting up, my body is screaming in pain. "I have to get to Nico. She can't come here, you know she can't come here. I have to go there, I messed up, I don't want to do this to her for another second! I made her feel like shit, I did the same thing to her that everyone else did! She thinks I'm dead! It's telling her I'm dead."

"Sir, calm down."

"No! I won't!" 

"Calm down!" She puts her hands on my shoulders. 

"No!" I howl back. Hadley nods to the nurse, she switches the I.V drip. I don't fucking care because now I'm yelling in German. "JUST FUCKING GET ME TO HER! I BROKE HER TO BITS AND I CAN'T LIVE ANOTHER SECOND KNOWING I DID THAT, PLEASE, JUST FUCKING GET ME OUT OF HERE! SHE THINKS I'M DEAD. SHE THINKS I'M DEAD. I CAN'T BECOME ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH THAT BROKE HER, THAT FUCKING DIED. IT'S THE PTSD, PLEASE, I NEED HER. I NEED TO TALK TO HER, I NEED TO-"

And then I'm pretty sure that they knocked me out.