i think hell
is something you carry with you
not someplace you go
- neil gaiman
_______________________________
Harry and I stayed in my room together for a long time. We talked about Cassie, and about how we felt. It wasn't the same, necessarily, but it was similar.
How we felt?
Harry was devastated. Devastated wasn't even a big enough word to describe it. Harry mentioned how they were talking about how many kids they would want. He said Cassie was insisting on violet as an accent color for their wedding.
They had plans.
Cassie and Harry had plans and then, just like that, there were no more plans. I could see Harry was still having a hard time with that.
Me?
God, I couldn't think about anything besides her. I still naggingly felt like it was my fault. I was the one driving. I had lives in my hands and I let one slip though my fingertips.
Cassie was a light. She was always smiling, always happy, always charismatic. She was someone you loved instantly after you met her, but didn't understand why until you got to know her.
She was a good person. There weren't many good people that I had met in my life. She made bad days better and good days among the best of my life.
Harry and I talked for a long time, until finally, neither of us felt like there was anything more to say.
When we finally walked downstairs, the other boys watched me warily from the couch.
"I'm fine," I announced, "you can stop looking at me like I'm gonna freak out. I'm not. I'm good," I said.
"Just like that?" Liam asked skeptically, "you're good?"
"Yeah," I said, "do we have food?"
"We just ordered a pizza, it's in the kitchen," Niall said.
I nodded contently and went to go grab a slice.
"Hey," Louis called. I turned back and looked at him, having barely moved, eyebrows raised in silent question. "you're good?"
"Yes," I sighed, "I'm fine. What kind of pizza?"
"Pepperoni and Hawaiian," Zayn said slowly.
"Oh, I love Hawaiian!" I said excitedly. I went into the kitchen and grabbed a slice. I walked out with it, using my hand as a plate. "Do we have anything today? Like interviews or anything?"
"No," Niall said, "not that I know of, anyways."
"Liam?" Harry asked.
"We've got nothing to do today," Liam said.
"Thank god," I laughed, "it's just gonna be us?"
"Just us," Niall said, pulling me down to sit on the couch. I sighed and put my feet up on the coffee table. The other boys followed suit and sat down around us.
Liam turned on a movie and we watched it together, as a family. Louis made popcorn, Harry made dumb jokes, and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
Sometimes I just needed a slow day.
-
It was about 3:30 when Donte texted me.
Donte Fox :/
wyd?
read 3:27
Mickey H
nothing why?
read 3:27
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𝘾𝙍𝘼𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙄𝙉𝙏𝙊 𝙔𝙊𝙐 ↣ 𝙊𝙉𝙀 𝘿𝙄𝙍𝙀𝘾𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉
Fanfiction[this is the story of how i learned to live. but don't worry! it's kind of a fun one.] - ❝No, Niall, you don't get it! Our mom left me at a fire station and caught the next flight back to you. You grew up with a family, you got baby pictures and war...
