Banking On My Bodyguard

chapter 25

I hugged my mother for the last time and kissed the sleeping Artie in her arms on the cheek.

"Have a good term love." She smiled at me and I nodded in return, taking one last look at the house before climbing into the town car.

It was time to go back to the Academy, winter break seemed to have passed all too quickly and I was once again sad to leave. Reluctant to abandon the place that made it so easy to avoid reality, to avoid the problems I'd caused for myself.

I buckled my seat belt and waved goodbye as the car pulled away from the house. I sunk back in my seat and sighed to myself.

A week had passed since New Year's and things between Kingsley and I were worse than ever. His cold presence sitting in the front of the car was a cutting reminder of what I'd done.

After our confusing make-out session and subsequent fight, we hadn't talked once. Not so much as a word.

He'd been careful to have another guard swap with him if I took a trip out of the house, and so we were pretending that one another didn't exist.

Our families had definitely noticed the change in atmosphere between us, they frequently shot us glances as we all sat at dinner night after night. But their concern didn't change anything, the friendship between Kingsley and I was over, just like he'd said.

I'd spent many sleepless nights this last week thinking over what had happened and I'd concluded that not only were things bad now, but they were worse than when we first met. Even in September there was some degree of conversation. I missed it, I missed arguing with him because at least he acknowledged me then. Now all I got was a cold unwavering wall, and the worst part was that I deserved it.

From the corner of my eye, I glanced at him through the left wing mirror, studying his face. He had the same expression he'd worn all week, such a level of tension in his features as if he might snap any moment. There was the usual furrow of his brows and dark circles under his eyes that had grown worse each day. Apparently I wasn't the only one struggling to sleep.

I tore my eyes away, unable to bare the physical evidence of what I'd done to him. It made it too real and I suddenly wished I could fall asleep, it was the only place I really was able to escape my thoughts.

I stared out of the window as the world flew past.

The truth of it was that I liked him, and I'd loved kissing him, a lot. And I wished more than anything that I hadn't pushed him away. That I hadn't said such vile things to a person I cared so much about.

I'd replayed our steamy moment at least a hundred times in my mind, longing for the opportunity to relive it, the chance to feel the pressure of his kiss and the heat of his body again.

I'd realised two days after the incident that I'd only caused the argument because I'd been so confused about my own feelings. This whole time I had been denying what was growing between us, even when others had blatantly seen it. Something about the tension of the moment at the Ritz had caused me to snap, as if my own realisation that I enjoyed it was too much for me to admit to.

But god had I enjoyed it, kissing him had been one of the most romantic moments of my life and I'd gone and ruined it like a complete idiot. Now it was tainted with my own hysterics and the worst part of all was that I'd sabotaged it myself. Trying to live with that regret was agonising, all consuming.

More than anything I missed Kingsley.

Sure he had been in the same house, at the same dining table, sitting in the same car, but he might as well have been on another planet for how much distance was between us now.

The emotional gap between us felt so palpable that I was surprised a real wall hadn't broken through the ground, splitting us apart like prisoners in different cells.

All that work we'd done to get to know one another had gone down the drain in a single night. We were practically strangers again.

I frowned at my own reflection in the glass, why did I have to make it so complicated?

The car plodded along for the rest of the journey and we remained silent all the way, until finally we pulled into the gravel driveway.

As Eric pulled the vehicle to a stop, I immediately jumped out, not bothering to wait for Kingsley since he'd given up on opening the door for me a week ago.

I helped Eric pull my bags from the boot and we said our goodbyes. He wished me a good term, just as he had months ago, and then he climbed back into the car and drove off.

My eyes lingered where the car had disappeared through the gates. Part of me wanted to run after it, beg Eric to take me home so I wouldn't have to face what awaited me this term. But I knew it wouldn't help, I could run and hide as much as I wanted but thoughts of Kingsley would always haunt me.

I turned towards where I thought he might be waiting. but he was already marching into the school, trying to get as far away from me as possible. I couldn't blame him, if the roles were reversed I knew I would have removed him as my bodyguard already.

That thought didn't help ease my guilt, increasing it instead. It now felt like I was holding him prisoner, forcing him to be around me all day without the buffer of someone else to swap with him.

I'd considered asking Isaac to get me a new one, but I was too selfish to actually go through with it. A small part of me hoped that if I could just hold on, keep Kingsley around, find a way to apologise, that maybe we could be friends again.

As he disappeared into the building, I sighed to myself and looked down to the luggage at my feet.

4 months later and we were back to square one.