and we scored

Scene 17

NINI

It's the evening before the auditions and I ended up lying on the stage again, staring at the ceiling. It's the same before every casting. I get nervous and memories start replaying through my head, as if I were watching the movie of my life. A very sad movie.

You'll never be enough, Nina.

Has anyone ever told you, you're just a waste of space?

No one will ever love you.

Pack your bags and never come back.

It's the last one that always cuts the deepest. I close my eyes and can feel how a tear rolls down my face. I told myself I would never cry because of what happened. I would never spend one more tear on the past. But here I am. And it happens every time.

"Broadway?" I can hear a familiar voice saying. I bolt back up and see Caden, wearing a different hoodie than the one with his name on it, staring at me from where he was standing on the stage.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, quickly wiping out my tears. I don't want him to see me cry.

"I wanted to see you. I went to your dorm room, but you weren't there. Sofia told me you might be here, practicing for tomorrow. Then, I thought you haven't eaten anything, so I stopped to take some takeout." He says that, pointing to a paper bag he was holding.

"You're a lifesaver", I say, burning a hole with my eyes in the paper bag.

He comes closer and takes a sit on the stage next to me. He then places the bag in the middle and starts taking out different cartons. "I didn't know what you like, so I asked Sofia, who said you liked Asian", he explains. I nod, happily looking at the cartons he's now opening. He got noodles, rice and some spring rolls. It's more food than we two could ever eat on one night, so I quickly remark: "Wow, are you planning a feast?"

Caden stares the food confused and says: "I only got a normal amount."

"This", I point with my arms to the many many cartons, "this is for you normal?"

"Yeah", he lets out matter-of-factly. "It's not my fault you don't weigh half of my weight."

"I'm sorry, what?!"

"Maybe a quarter of my warmup weight."

"Holy Moly, are you telling me I'm too skinny?"

"Or that my muscles are too impressive."

"They are", I let out without thinking. I quickly cover up my mouth. But he heard it. And now smirks.

He hands me some chopsticks and I make my way through the cartons to reach the noodles. After the first bite, I know I'm in heaven.

"I seriously owe you", I say between bites. He gets all nervous and I don't know why. That's when I realized I moaned once from the food. My cheeks turn red and I continue eating silently.

"Why were you crying, Broadway?" he asks me, his voice shaking.

"I wasn't", I try to dodge off the conversation. It doesn't work.

"You were. I've seen you."

"I don't want to talk about it", I whisper, biting my bottom lip to stop the tears. He comes closer and bites it for me. I shiver and forget what breathing is. He notices and lets go. I quickly wrap my hands around his neck and pull him back close. He bites my lip again then kisses me.

When we're done, he stares at me, waiting for an answer.

"I'm not enough", I let out. It's the first time I've said it aloud. I haven't told my friends about how broken I am inside. It's easier being the fun friend who doesn't show the wounds she's carrying with her as a reminder of what she's daily running away from.

"Who told you that?" Caden asks, his voice pointing towards violence. I don't want him to know the names.

"It doesn't matter. What matters is that they're right."

"They...whoever they are...aren't right. You are enough. More than enough. Damn, Nini, you deserve the world and more."

A ghost of a smile appears on my lips. "You really mean that?"

"I do. And I curse myself daily that I won't be able to be the one who gives it to you."

"Why would you say that?"

He flinches and opens his mouth as if he would want to say something. He quickly closes it then and says something else: "Because I am not able to offer you the love you deserve."

Another tear rolls down my cheek and he wipes it out: "Please, don't cry. Not now."

I don't understand what he means with his remark, yet I look past it and ask: "Will you be there for my audition?"

"I will. Is anyone else coming for you there?" he asks me, brushing my cheeks with his thumbs, cupping my face in his palms.

"Soph is. And she's bringing Alec with her. April, Dia and Nessie are coming too."

"That's nice", he tells me. "I'll be there too, Broadway. Don't worry."

I kiss one of his palms and whisper: "Thank you".

"Anytime. Anything to see you smile."

I love you, I think, yet don't say it. He sees it in my eyes however. I know he has, since he now is more nervous than ever and tries to break our eye contact.

"You should eat. Your food will get cold", he adds. I get back to my noodles and eat, while sneaking glances at him. When he catches me, he swallows hard and his mouth twitches. Although no one says anything, the silence speaks more than thousand words can. After a while, as memories start invading my head again and tears start rolling, Caden makes place for me in his arms and I go over to him. I rest my head on his chest and he wraps his hands around me. We're both breathing so heavy, our lungs might break. But I don't want to go away from where I am standing. I feel like I belong there. In his arms.

He starts playing absently with my hair and every time I breathe slower from one of my memories trying to take over my happiness, Caden feels it and kisses the top of my head. I guess at one point I fall asleep in his arms, since after a while all I see is darkness, but his warmth is still with me. And he doesn't let go.