27. | Let-Down

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I knock on the white wooden door

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I knock on the white wooden door.

I hear footsteps before a lock is sliding and the door opens. "Naomi?"

Tears blur my vision once more. "I feel like a fuck-up." I cry.

"Oh, come here." She wraps her arms around me, and I fall into my best friend's embrace. "Come on." She leads me inside, shutting the door to her studio-apartment.

***

I didn't feel like going home last night, so Maya let me stay at her place. I cried myself to sleep last night on her couch, where I currently sit, curled up in a blanket.

"Nai? Do you want something to eat?" I shake my head. "Coffee?" I shake my head.

I can't fathom anything.

It feels as though I'm going through a breakup, but I'm not. I just told him how I feel, and yet I still feel like shit. The look he gave me is still engraved in my mind. Like he was an injured puppy.

"Am I a let-down?" I whisper, my bottom lip trembling.

"No. No, of course, not." She whispers, sitting down beside me on the couch.

I had told her everything last night, about how I hurt him. About how he looked so happy to have something with me, and I only crushed it. I crushed him. But while doing so, I crushed myself. Because as much as I want to be with him, I'm not ready.

"I hurt him." My voice cracks.

"Naomi, it's okay. You weren't ready, and you made that known. And that's okay. That's setting boundaries." She pushes a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Then why do I feel so bad?"

"I wish I knew." She sighs. "I'll go make you some soup." She gets up and walks to the kitchen.

The next few nights, I stay at Maya's. I'm not ready to go home.

Everywhere around my home just reminds me of him. My bedroom, where he tucked me in and nursed me back to health. My bathroom, where he held my hair out of my face, so I didn't get puke on it. My kitchen, where we almost kissed.

I already called off work, claiming I was sick. For how long? I haven't decided.

I don't even remember how many days have passed. My phone is powered off, and whenever someone calls or messages Maya, she walks out of the room.

Someone knocks on the door, and it opens a minute later. "What are you doing here?" Maya whispers harshly.

"Is she here?"

"No. But you need to go."

"She is, isn't she?"

"No—"

"Let me in, I need to see her." There's struggling, and though I don't see who it is, I know it's Rhys.

"No. You need to go."

"Please. I need to see her."

"She is in no position to see anybody, let alone you. She. Isn't. Ready." There's silence. "I hate to do this, okay? I really do. But you need to go. You can't be here, and you can't see her. I'm sorry." Then the door is being shut, the lock sliding back in place.

Maya walks into the living room, sitting down beside me. "Was it Rhys?"

She sighs. Nods. "You should talk to him at some point. I know you're in pain, but this isn't gonna go away. If he cares, he'll understand. You need space. Time."

"What if he loses feelings?"

She smiles softly at me. "He won't."

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