Fooling Ourselves

How we Talked about my Choices

The school year practically slipped through my fingers and before I knew it, we had finished exams and graduation and prom were around the corner. I got accepted into Harvard and well, all of the other schools I applied for. I still remember the day I got my acceptance letter. It was a school morning and I had collected the brown envelope from my mailbox silently. I brought it to school and waited until lunch before I presented it at the table. Everyone was there; Jace, Ari, Dylan, James, Theo and Thai.

"What's that?" Dylan was the first to notice it. They all read the address and their eyes grew wide knowingly.

"Open it!" Jace encouraged and I shook my head at him.

"I want Ari to open it for me," I had replied and she looked at me questioningly. I nodded telling her it was okay and she quickly snatched it up. She tore the envelope revealing its contents and read the letter. She looked up at me with wide eyes and then squealed.

"You got in! You got in!" she jumped up and down excited. Everyone joined in on her cheering with the exception of Dylan, "They are offering you a full scholarship and they want you to join them for an early summer program!"

"That means I'd have to leave at the beginning of summer," I noted aloud.

"I mean, we won't get to enjoy the beautiful beaches together but this is your dream school," Ari told me and I nodded not feeling as excited as I should have been, "What's wrong?"

I glanced at Dylan and he forced an encouraging smile in my direction but it didn't warm me. Because I saw through his façade, I saw the hurt in his eyes and I knew it reflected in mine too. This wasn't how I was supposed to feel. All my hard work was paying off and all I could think about was Dylan.

"I know this is what I wanted but something doesn't feel right," I confessed and they all stared at me in silence. Everyone seemed to know my problem but no one said anything. We all sat in silence for the rest of lunch that day and then returned to our regular classes.

Now it was two days away from prom and four away from graduation and I felt the same way. Dylan was obviously worried because our time together was coming to an end and so was I but we were still trying to make the best of it.

"Come on Skylar, let's go cash my dress. Months of searching and I think I've finally found the one," Ari suddenly emerged from the changing room and grabbed my hand. We were in a store shopping for her prom dress.

"Wow! Really, are you sure you don't want to try the rest of the dresses in the store?" I replied sarcastically as she pulled me to the cashier.

"Excuse me, I'm sorry I'm not simple minded like you," she teased.

"I'm not simple minded!" I pouted.

"I know, I just thought it would be a good comeback," she chuckled.

"Well it wasn't," I stuck my tongue out at her.

"How mature," she said rolling her eyes.

"I know," I nodded.

"So about Harvard..."

"I accepted. I'm leaving the day after graduation," I told her simply.

"You don't sound happy about it," she remarked and I remained silent, "You know, it's okay to follow your heart."

"No one asked me to stay," I muttered quietly but she heard me.

"Because we all want what's best for you. No one wants to be the person to ask you to throw away your dream and stay," she informed me.