Hijabi Not in Distress

Chapter 36

Continuation of Flashback(3 years ago):

Ahmed's POV:

I saw her amber eyes flicker with concern. I didn't know how I was going to tell her. I was so happy that she finally forgave me Alhamdullilah (thank God). But, there was no telling how she was going to react to what I had to say next.

"Ahmed what is it?" I see the moonlight reflect on her eyes making them look hazel. 

"I- uh- I have a confession." I kick my feet around the dirt on the road nervously. I couldn't look into her eyes when I would tell her. "But I don't know how you'll react to what I have to say."

"Well it better not be that you didn't mean what you just said." I hear a hint of amusement in her voice.

"No God no!" I look up at her. "Of course not. I meant what I said. Every word." A smile breaks on her face and she sighs.

"Well if you meant it," her voice is gentle and she leans against the railing, "then there's no reason to be worried about my reaction." She turns and looks at me smiling and I see her dimple show, "nothing you say, will change what I said either." 

I felt a wave of relief wash over me. I let out an exhale, "okay well Sairah I- I have to go back to New York."

"Okay." Her face was blank.

"That's all you're going to say?" I raise an eyebrow at her calm state. 

"Well, yea. I mean it's no shock that you're going back to NYU to finish university." She lets out a laugh, "I don't know why you expected me to flip out at the fact that you want an education."

I shut my eyes and tilt my head to the side, "that's not what I meant."

"What did you mean then?" Her voice becomes curious. 

"I mean that... I have to stay in New York. And I don't know when I'll be back to be honest." I scratch the back of my neck nervously.

Sairah bursts out laughing "Ahmed Badri, you're funnier than I give you credit for!"

I look at her puzzled. "Sairah I'm being serious." I clarify.

"Uh huh sure. You wouldn't leave again..." she stops laughing and a hurt expression covers her face. "Would you?"

"Sairah I-"

"Would you leave me again Ahmed?" She stumbles back and looks at me dazed. 

"Sairah you don't-"

"Answer the question!" Her voice is shaky and I see her eyes cloud with disappointment.

"Sairah I don't want to!" I say instinctively. She let out a fake laugh and rolls her eyes at me. "But I just-- I have to go back to New York okay." My voice softens. 

"Ahmed I'm sorry. I really am."

"It's okay." I give her a small smile. "Don't apologize. It's not your fault." 

"It is my fault though." She lets out a shaky laugh, "God I'm such an idiot!"

"Wha-"

"I can't believe I let you in my life all over again only for you to walk away... again." She sighs. 

"Sairah don't say that." I plead and I feel my heart tighten when she said those words.

"Why did you come back then Ahmed? Why did you want to make things right when you were going to do the same thing all over again." Her tone was breathless.