Hiraeth| Lorenzo Berkshire

diary

arianna berkshire

I lay awake, thinking about Fred.

Fred Gideon Weasley, the person who loved me more than I've ever loved myself. The person who would make my kids stay up later than they were supposed to, the man who would keep Zeno and Aurora busy while Lorenzo and I were picking out flowers for our shop. The man who would watch over me when Draco and I were at work fighting dangerous people. He's gone.

Nobody really cared either, George was sad that Fred wouldn't see Fred the second grow up but besides that, everyone moved on with their lives. It hit me the hardest. One day he's hanging around my house, making my kids laugh, then the next, he's gone, in a better place.

It's crazy to think that, in another life we ended up together. We always told everyone that we were just friends, but he would always go the extra mile to make me happy. Everyone would tell us, "Friends don't look friends that way." I never admitted my feelings for him.

I never told him that I liked him in 4th year, or how badly I wanted him to ask me out to the Yule Ball, but he didn't. He asked out Angelina Johnson, right in front of me.

By the time he told me he liked me back, I was pregnant with Zeno. He was too late. I fell in love with Lorenzo.

I look over at Enzo, he lied in front of me, his hair's a mess, but he looks so peaceful.

I guess we've all kept secrets from each other...

I found his diary.

His stupid fucking diary that shouldn't have hurt me as badly as it did.

He wrote about Lucille a lot and how her body changed, and that he loved her.

Eventually, it got to the part where he loved me, in 5th year, but he didn't go in detail like he did with Lucille.

I slowly get up from our bed, and walk over to my dresser.

I look over at him, checking if he's still asleep.

I pull out his diary and walk out of the room.

I know it's wrong to read something that's not mine, but I didn't care. Lorenzo and I have been married for almost 2 years, and I feel like I have the right to know how he felt about Lucille.

I slowly walk past Zeno's room, then Aurora's room. I walk into the bathroom and turn on the lights.

My eyes adjust to the brightness, and I close the door and lock it.

I sit down on the cold floor. I sigh and open his diary.

Lucille.

What a beautiful name. A beautiful name for a beautiful girl. Merlin, she's changed. All the girls have. Arianna looks completely different, but that didn't matter. All that mattered was Lucille.

I quickly close the book and try to calm myself down. My hands are shaking and tears are streaming down my face.

"You're fine, just breathe," I whispered to myself, though I could barely hear myself, my heart was beating loudly, "He doesn't love Lucille anymore, he loves you. He chose you," I try to reassure myself, but I quickly remember what happened between Lucille and Lorenzo almost 5 years ago.

I wipe my tears and take deep breaths.

I sigh and open the book again, I skip a few pages ahead, and land on fifth year.

5th year
I'm already three weeks into 5th year and I've noticed things about Arianna Riddle, that I haven't noticed before.

The way she walks with determination and confidence, the way she smiles, her scent, Merlin she smells good, I hope that wasn't creepy.

In class, when she's focused, she bites her bottom lip and concentrates. There's been times when she's seen me staring at her, I would quickly look away, but it makes it more obvious.

Another thing I've noticed is that she hates Lucille. Rivalry per say. She doesn't let Lucille get in her way. Lucille's quite and timid, while Arianna gets what she wants by working harder and everyone else.

I quietly laugh at his words, and continue reading.

I can't catch feelings for her. We're total opposites, and I think she likes Draco. I wish she'd look at me the way she looks at Draco.

I already told Draco how I feel about her, he told me that I have competition, because sweeter, nicer guys like Ron, Neville, Fred, and George have a crush on her, and that everyone just sees me as a guy who's fucked a lot of girls.

I know she doesn't see me that way, she's different. She's only ever dated Adrian Pucey, and he treated her like an asshole, she's had trust issues since they broke up. She doesn't seek male validation, she just lives life carefree.

I smile down at his diary, forgetting that I was sitting on our bathroom floor.

Suddenly, someone knocks on the door.

"Are you okay darling?" It was Lorenzo, his voice was raspy and groggy.

"Yeah," I respond lowly.

"Can you open the door for me?"

I get up and unlock the door. He opens it as I sit back down on the floor.

He looks down at my hand, and sees the diary. His eyes quickly widen.

"What did you read?" He questioned lowly.

I smile and shake my head, "I haven't read anything yet," I lied, I didn't want to make a big deal.

He gently pulled his diary out of my hands and started flipping through the pages.

I rest my head on his shoulder and watch his fingers caress over a page.

"Ari gave me a chance. Tonight, when we were on the Astronomy Tower, she let me into her world. I was deeply in love with her. Her smile, her personality, her." Lorenzo read, "I'd do anything to relive the moment. I can actually see a future with her, we can get married and have kids one day, that's if she wants to. I remember her telling me that she didn't really care for kids, but if I wanted children, she'll have children."

I smiled and closed my eyes as I listened to him read.

"I couldn't help but think how lucky I am. Lucky to have a girl like Arianna Riddle, like me, she could've had better people, but no, she chose me. I will never make her regret that decision.
Til next time,
Lorenzo Berkshire."

I opened my eyes and Lorenzo kissed my forehead.

"And here we are" he whispered, "sitting down on our bathroom floor, reading the past as our two beautiful children sleep in their rooms."

I huffed and kissed him, "Yeah, remember when we were just two stupid teenagers in love, that never used condoms," I responded and we started laughing.

"That explains the 2 kids," he joked as he put his arm around me and pulled me closer to him, "I love you."

"I love you too," I replied lowly.

I really did love him, but did he really love me?