Love, Alexander

Chapter 26

Alexander

Dearest Leo,

I can't stop thinking about you. I know you're probably crying yourself to sleep every night, binge watching gay porn, and eating the whole grocery store near you to distract yourself—or for whatever reason. I've missed your voice. I've missed laughing with you. I've missed everything about you, Liandro. I just wanted you to know that I finally have a plan for my life. Everything's going great here with my parents. They're happy that their son went home and happy that I became a better person. But I still don't know if you're doing fine because you didn't write back. My grandparents told me that you looked happier, but I want to hear it directly from you. My calling card is in the envelope. Call me when you're ready.

Alexander

It's been months since we last saw each other. Everything I wrote there was true—except for the part where I told him I was doing great. Truth is, I didn't want to hear his voice and I didn't want him to hear my voice. I knew I couldn't stop myself from crying and asking every question I had in my head for the past three months. It was true that I loved him ever since. True that he was the best man I've ever met. True that he deserved someone better than me.

Of course it was hard to tell all of those to him in person without pulling him in for a hug and not letting go. It was painful for me to write that letter, especially that I knew that would break his heart. But sometimes, you gotta make sacrifices if that meant one less terrible person in his life. I didn't know what would happen to him after that, but I told my grandparents to keep a close eye on him.

Bodyguards followed him around secretly. I knew Leo wouldn't do anything stupid because he was still waiting for proper closure and the day we would meet again, and I was also looking forward to that.

My grandparents updated me about how Leo was doing. They told me that somebody else was making him happy now. Though I didn't understand what they meant by that, I knew that there was a possibility that Leo found a replacement for me.

It was hard to accept at first, but if he's happy—then I'm happy. I broke up with him, so why am I feeling this way?

I still love him. There's no question to that. And I think I made the right decision for once in my life to let him go. Even if it meant loosing him to find himself.

All I ever think about is him. To the point that I haven't been taking care of myself. I know I told Liandro that I wanted to be a better person, but that seemed impossible now.

My birthday is up in a few days, and all I want is to see him again. It pained me to know that he didn't even bother text or call me. Many thoughts flooded my head.

'Maybe he doesn't have my number' 'Maybe he doesn't care anymore' 'Maybe his boyfriend won't allow it'

Boyfriend.

How could he move on this quickly? It's only been three months and he's already alright. I wish I could say the same.

"Dinner's ready" My mom, Alexandra informed. I stood up from my bed and put on a shirt. While walking down the stairs, a familiar voice echoed.

"Alex!" Angela squeaked. What the fuck is she doing here? The irritation was definitely present in my face, and before I could process it, she was already hugging me.

"Oh how I've missed you!" She said in a high pitched tone. I glared at my mom who seemed happy with an evil grin plastered to her face while my dad looked at her with disbelief. I patted Angela's shoulder and pushed her away from me.

Stalking back to my room and locking it. "That bitch" I muttered to myself.

I fished out my phone and dialed my grandparents number. "Can I come over?" I asked, not wanting to be within Angela's radar. "Of course" Isa answered.

Grabbing my hoodie and wallet, I sneaked out the window. There were many reasons why I didn't like that place. First off, Angela's family bought that. Second, I didn't like my mom. She kept on telling me my feelings were 'just a phase' when in fact it isn't.

She kept on telling me that Leo didn't deserve my love and that my grandparents were evil. Obviously holding a grudge against them because they left her when she was little.

I rode a bus going to their hotel. The place was an hour away, which meant that I wouldn't be crossing paths with Leo since there won't be any reason why he'd be in this part of New York.

-

The sight of Liandro and his new boyfriend made my heart shatter. They were sitting across each other, eating ice cream. The grey-eyed boy wiping the dairy off of Leo's lips. Anger boiled inside of me, but I knew I had no right to get mad at him.

They were both laughing, but I couldn't see Leo clearly—because of the tears. Wiping them away, I turned away and took the longer path.

Mixed emotions filled me while walking to the hotel. He was smiling, but not because of me. I knew I did a lot of bad things to him, but I could have made up for that if I stayed.

"Why the fuck would you play something like that!" I yelled at the guy who was playing the piano whilst singing. Do all the things I should've done, when I was your man. The lyrics hit me like a train. I sat down on the cold pavement, the night winds crashing with my tears.

"Alex" A familiar voice echoed from behind me. "Go away" I muttered, not bothering to see who that was. "Cayden"

My ears ringed at the sound. Liandro. I flung my head back, his brown eyes piercing right through me."Leo" I breathed out, slowly standing up to meet his eyes and pulled him close to me.

Sobs started going out of my lungs uncontrollably. My arms clung tightly to his neck as he patted my back in comforting manner. I shut my eyes close, savoring the moment.

"Alex" He said again. "Wake up"

I inhaled deeply and grumbled, waking up from a dream, my grandmother looking at me with concern. I looked around and saw that I was at the hotel bar, my sleeves soaked with tears.

I sighed heavily, resting my forehead on my hands.

-

The bed felt bigger without him. The room wasn't the same without him. Everything felt different. I took off all my clothes after I locked the room, stepping inside the hot shower, letting all my thoughts go down the drain.

My hands traveled down my abs, thinking it was Leo's. Stroking my cock slowly, hands sliding from the tip to the base. Fuck. But no matter how I wanted to, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Thinking of him while masturbating didn't seem right, especially now that he has a boyfriend.

From being horny, I suddenly became sad. Tears mixing with the hot stream of water as my eyes squeezed shut.

Cleansing the remains of soap and shampoo on my body, I stared at the wall in front of me.

I grabbed the towel and dried myself, walking to living room where Ed left some clothes, the sound of buzzing catching my attention. An unknown caller ID.

"Hello?" I answered the call, silence growing between the line. "Alex?" My heart thumped in my chest. I looked at the mirror and slapped myself to make sure I wasn't asleep.

"What was that?" Leo asked from the other line. "Leo? That really you?" I asked.

"You're drunk" Leo spat out bitterly like he didn't use to drink. "So?" I snapped back. "Isa told me you looked like a mess" Why would my grandma say such a thing?

"I'll call you again when you're sober" Leo said, making me shout 'no' loudly. His laugh echoed through the speaker, I could feel his smile. My heart melted at his giggle, my face forming a big smile.