Unconditional

Chapter 10

Rushing back up to my room, my heart pounded in the flood of emotions coming back to me. My fears whispered tales into my heart, leaving my chest with a dull ache. My eyes gently cast down to our carpeted floor, and I could feel the glimmer slowly fade from my eyes.

The moment I'm left alone, it seems I automatically regret my previous actions.

My lip began to quiver as I reached for my doorknob, leading me to quickly fling myself into my room and shut the door behind me. My face contorted in an attempt to hold back tears as I took a deep breath.

It seemed the full reality of the situation hadn't completely hit until now and as it did, I grew more and more terrified. Before I knew it, my brain jumbled into a mess of emotions, unable to stop jumping from one to another. One extreme to the next.

Sliding down the back of my door, I rested my head on my knees with a sigh of exasperation.

I couldn't help but think of the chance this was all a mistake. That one way or another, this will ruin the existing foundations of whatever type of connection we had. Logically I knew it wasn't entirely correct to assume that, but on the other hand, if the possibility exists... How do I know that's not going to be my reality?

My fears argued with me. I suppose I argued back, an attempt to calm my brain, but they brought up valid points. In the past, I did experience many lie to me and put up such believable acts that I fell for each time, due to my emotions. What if Mal is just like the rest?

He could have been faking everything. Or even worse, he wasn't, and after getting further involved with me he'll be disappointed like the rest.

Then I can't deny the fact of not being good enough...

I lifted my head and gazed off, my eyes unfocused as the thought of Malikai being dissatisfied with me consumed me. My stomach turned as my throat became tight.

Letting out a shaky breath, I shook my head and began to compose myself. I needed to remind myself of two facts that won't change, regardless of my situation.

One, if he or I am unsatisfied, we can always part ways. It is not the end of the world. In the end, all we have is ourselves anyways.

Two, I can't base these accusations off of past experiences. So far Mal has shown me nothing but respect and therefore unless something happens between us, I have to take the situation with what it is for now.

Wiping my face with a tissue, I softly patted my cheeks in my hands. Get it together Aruna, you're too strong for this. This can end up better than you could ever imagine.

Nodding to myself, I felt pleased with my argument and quickly tried to forget about the embarrassingly quick mood fluctuations. Why focus on things as such?

Standing up, I shuffled over to my closet and threw off my previous clothes. Nibbling on the side of my inner cheek, I scanned for a comfy oversized shirt to wear to bed. After a short moment of shivering like a naked baby, my lips tipped up in a smile as I stumbled upon Malikai's hoodie he left me a little while ago.

With a small smile and a faint rosy blush, I reached for the dusty blue hoodie. With little debate, I threw it over myself and slipped on new underwear.

Now ready for bed, I tossed my dirty clothes into my hamper and nuzzled into bed.

Closing my eyes, I let out a small chuckle, my enthusiasm coming back out. My anticipation to see Mal again had my imagination running wild. Thoughts of how intensely he looked at me filled my mind, those emerald eyes piercing into my soul left my cheeks flammed. I suppressed a noise as I covered my face in embarrassment.