love letters- jess mariano

23. the 1

the whole time i could not keep my eyes off of the clock. i just wanted it to be 10pm, so i could go and see him.

so as soon as the clock did turn, with no hesitation i ran out. i basically ran the whole way there i was so excited. in heels. i ran all the way in heels. that was commitment.

i finally got to the wooden bridge and could see him sat there throwing pebbles back into the water.

i almost felt reluctant to take another step. what if i went and i ended up feeling more upset than i already had felt? i was only just starting to feel better and this could make things go completely downhill again.

nevertheless, i decided to make them few steps towards him and sat down beside him.

there was silence. we didn't look at each other. we didn't even acknowledge one another. we both just looked out onto the water.

"i'm leaving tomorrow morning." jess bluntly said causing me to turn my head to look at him.

i felt the lump become prominent in my throat again. i nodded at what he said, but i couldn't find the words.

jess looked down at his hands and then back up at me, "i'm still in love with you sabrina." he sighed shaking his head. "and i hate to say it, because you're so happy."

i was not happy. i was coping. but i was not happy.

i continued to just look at him, i still couldn't find the words. i was so shocked. i didn't know what i was supposed to say.

he stood up and put his hand up to help me up. he brought me close to him. i could feel his warm breath on my face. he brushed a strand of my hair behind my ear and softly pressed a kiss on my forehead, "you should go home." he whispered, as he hold me close against his body.

we both didn't want this, but it was what had to be done. i pulled away and looked up at him. his face blurred from the tears filling my eyes. i smiled softly and that was when i walked away.

-

the next morning

it was a wednesday morning, the sky was gloomy and i could hear the
rain drops on my window, as i began to wake up.

however, the constant little tap on my window was the thing that actually got me up. "what the hell?" i muttered wiping my tired eyes.

i opened my curtains, then the shutters and saw jess sat there with drenched hair waiting hopelessly for me to open it.

"what are you doing?" i snapped opening the window to let him in. "you're gonna get hypothermia." i told him shaking my head at him.

he placed a box he had brought with him on the side, before putting his freezing hands on my cheeks and smashing his lips onto mine. the kiss was like no other. it was our last kiss. it meant so much, it was like every other kiss we once had combined.

"that's it." he spoke, after pulling away. he walked back to the window and climbed up about to walk out, before i stop him.

"i still love you so much." i told him through a breath.

he let out a small chuckle and shook his head, "why'd you have to go and make this ten times harder." he softly said, just before he left.

i watched the window where he left from and just stood and thought about everything for a few minutes. how did we go through all of this together just to end up as nothing.

i walked over to the box sat on my desk and brought it over to my bed. i placed it on my knee and opened the lid up.

inside there was a letter from jess laying there. i took a deep breath, before reading through it.