𝙗𝙚𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙢𝙚𝙨𝙨. Evan Buckley ¹

thirty four

BEAUTIFUL MESS.
chapter thirty four.

Hunter owned a smile on her face as she sat at the round table and watched two of her family members stand before a crowd. Eddie had never looked prouder.

She wasn't sure when she had started considering the 118 to be her family but it just made sense now. She was only in contact with a few of her marine buddies from the 8113 and the only blood relations she had was her brother. And the firehouse had always been there for her.

Hen and Chim hovered over her constantly now, not a day went by they didn't call. The amount of dinner dishes Karen had sent over to her apartment was insane. And little Chris who was wearing a proud smile never failed to cheer her up on the days she felt down or bored. Bobby has somehow become an overprotective father figure like he had with the rest of the team but Hunter welcomed it.

And Eddie was in every sense her brother. So as she watched her captain say all incredibly true things about the Diaz man. "Welcome to the Los Angeles Fire Department, Firefighter Diaz."

All the gathered members in the room look proudly at their friend as they clapped and hollered for his achievement. Hunter brought her hand back down to where it was before, resting on the thigh of the man next to her.

Buck's eyes slightly shifted over towards the blonde as he rested his hand on top of her before turning to watch the youngest Diaz approach his father. Chris and Eddie were a sight, the two embodied the idea of a loving father-son relationship.

"You want some of the cake?" Hunter asked as she leant over to whisper in Buck's ear.

"Yeah- don't worry, I can get it though," he quickly said back, trying to stop her from getting up.

Hunter squeezed his leg slightly as she shook her head, "it would take you five damn minutes to walk to the table."

The blonde stood up, careful not to bump her arm that was still being kept in a sling. "Two pieces?" She heard a voice ask questioningly from behind her with a small laugh.

Hunter turned around and chuckled at the girl, "well, one is for your brother, so..."

"Oh," Maddie retorted curtly, "so, what's that all about then?"

"How do you mean?" Hunter asked, looking over at her with confusion coursing through her eyes.

"Are you really gonna make me say it?"

"Well, someone's gonna have to cause I sure ain't got a clue what you're thinkin."

Maddie laughed, "I mean you and my brother. If I need to spell it out, he's kinda crushing on you-"

"Hey-"

"Oh no, it's true," Maddie continued, not knowing that Hunter had gathered that idea a little bit ago, "I mean-"

"Yeah," Hunter cut her off with a drawn out word, "I think I'm going to go."

"Oh are you? You go do that," Maddie said with a smirk as she nodded her head with a knowing grin. The eldest Buckley walked over to join Chimney who both watched as Hunter made her way back over to the table.

Hunter shook the hand of Eddie for bringing him down into a one sided hug, "I'm so proud I could just kiss you."

"Not again-" Eddie was cut off as Hunter one good hand was brought up against the back of his head for a hard hit.

It wasn't until later that night that Hunter found a moment to herself. Still in the green dress from earlier she sat down on the grass, not bothering to try and avoid dirt.

The dress was a result of the impromptu wedding thrown for Bobby and Athena. There was no chance she would be missing two of her favorite people on their most memorable day so she pulled an old dress out of her closet and did her best to look comfortable.

Hunter had grabbed the case of coors before she had left her truck and sat it down next to her along with the flowers in her hand, "hey, handsome," she said while taking the top off of the Banquet bottle, "brought you a drink."

She sighed as she looked down at the grave stone, "you were never a Coors fan, but I'm working with what I got."

Oddly enough, she stuck the top of the bottle in the dirt and let it drain into the ground. It might have seemed weird but for some reason it felt right, maybe it was the previous drinks in Hunter's system already. Next, she picked up the yellow sunflowers that she had grown to have a bittersweet relationship with and sat them against Lane's headstone.

"Oh, darlin' it coulda been us gettin' married," Hunter shook her head in disappointment, "but I guess I ran that dream down the drain a long time ago."

She looked up, her darkened eyes staring out at the faint stars that seemed to be just as clouded as her thoughts. "There's some days where I wake up and I don't think about you till I get in my truck. And it feels like shit, I'll look at those dog tags or that picture of us and I'll remember. And suddenly-"

Hunter paused as she shook her head but didn't continue with her thought, "sometimes I don't think I ever properly felt the pain of your death. Then other times it seems like it's been so long."

"For the longest time I thought 'Cause this life ain't worth living if the love that you've been given is taken before you are. But now? I've felt like I've found something to live for, you know? I mean the firehouse, that family- I missed it. It's nothing like the 8113 but it's my home now."

Hunter finished the rest of her beer before grabbing another one and breaking the cap off in her hand. It was difficult with her bad shoulder and she should have chosen cans but the Coors Banquet bottles made her feel better.

"You were the person who grew flowers in the darkest parts of me," Hunter had remembered he once said the same words to her, only Lane never had any dark parts in his heart.

"And I always wish for one more day with you. But I know if I were to get it then it would still leave me wishing for one more day," Hunter sniffled softly, "and I know I can't ever let you go, but I know I have to try. If I died, which lord knows I fuckin tried- I prayed for it, I'd want you to be happy. And I can't be happy if I'm still crying every time I think about you."

Hunter had more to say, but she couldn't say anymore without breaking down. The blonde laid down on her back, legs crossed as she kept looking at the sky with another bottle of beer in her hand. She thought about all the times Lane would tell her how pretty the skyline was, he absolutely loved the stars and the sunsets.

She didn't know how long it was before she stood grabbed her empty bottles that she left on the ground and picked up the half drank case before turning back to her truck.

Hunter held back tears as she clenched the hanging dog tags in her hands. She let her right thumb trace ghostly over the Polaroid picture, the ever so dim outline of the medic and the sniper still glowed in the soft yellow lights of her truck. She knew she shouldn't have been driving but it wasn't the first time, she had done worse in her life she thought as she turned the key.

"Keep your tires between the ditches and your eyes peeled on the road. There's two more minutes before you're back home. Don't 103 feel so free? You always loved the revelry."