Pineapple Crush

Chapter seven: It's hurts

Jessie's POV:

It's happening again—the feeling of wanting to inflict pain on myself. Knowing I'll hurt those around me. 

I hate the feeling of loving someone I could never have. That unwanted emotion that's constantly playing with my thoughts and ruining my mood.

I'll find him someday. A man who is full of mystery, a dominant masculine male, a man who fears God Last but not least, a man who is in love with me.

I want something special; I want us to become special and unique together. You and I.

My father never lived there, yet here I am searching for something that doesn't exist. I don't believe in love anymore, nor do I hope to find it anymore. I've closed my heart and healed the wounds opened by the ones I loved the most.

The ones that once said they loved me lied about everything. What more can I do? I've tried everything, but I constantly fail the test of love. Many have tried and failed. Yet I'm still here, waiting on someone who has died.

I didn't believe in ghosts, but time and time again, My mother has proven to me that she is one. She's hardly been in my life since Dad died. She didn't even cry at the funeral. I doubt she's even human; she's not emotionally available like the other mothers I know.

I still love her. I'm still waiting for her to love me. I've been waiting for ages for someone to love me. Even my best friend killed herself for love. But I can't do that because I'm too close to reaching my dreams.

Coming home after a long day, seeing my mother naked with my father's brother was the last thing I wanted to see. His sweaty body, with his scared face, was not so bad to see.

His messy hair, along with his hard abs. His body was somewhat fine; I blame the books I've read. For making my mind so dirty.

I would like to know what it's like to love someone without fear, boundaries, toxicity, or doubts. Just loving someone who chooses me.

"You're enjoying yourself, aren't you?" I asked her. 

"I hope it was as good as you imagined it was; based on what I'm seeing, it wasn't so good, was it?"I asked my mother. I made sure to give her that look of disgust. 

I watched as she stepped closer to me. I knew she'd want to hit me, so I positioned myself near the stairs. I would push her if she tried any sneaky shit with me. Why would she go and sleep with him? I bet they were having an affair while Dad was alive.

"You're home early; I thought you had an exam today." My mom said rubbing her forhead. 

She must have heard us. I told him to slow down; he's so stupid he can't even comprehend that. 

"Oh, I did; however, I'm not feeling well, so they sent me home. But I can see you're preoccupied with this one here."

"Get well, my dear."