Sweetheart

52

Aaron
December 2020

I open my eyes well before the alarm goes off.

It's weird how these last few weeks I haven't had the need to go for runs in the morning because, even though I wake up early, I always have my Lizzie next to me.

Plus, I haven't had nightmares in quite a while. It's unusual for me to be able to have normal dreams. Well, as normal as a dream can be, that is.

Yet tonight... I didn't have a real nightmare like I used to, but the dream I had wasn't pleasant either. Or better yet, it was too pleasant that it became a nightmare when it finished.

When Jenny was in my dreams, I was usually reliving her death. Tonight, instead, she was smiling. We were smiling.

I roll on my side and move some hair from Lizzie's face. She's giving me her back and her shoulder is exposed. I press my lips there, then higher, below her ear, her cheek, the corner of her mouth.

Her eyes start moving and her breathing changes rhythm as she starts waking up. I smile a little, kissing her jaw while one of my hands rests on her waist. "Good morning, sweetheart," I say softly.

Lizzie stirs a little, humming. "Morning, hi."

I capture her lips in a chaste kiss. "You sleep well?" I ask her, lying back down while taking her with me.

She nestles her face in the crook of my neck. "Yeah. You?" Her eyes are closed and her voice is still sleepy, but she's awake.

"Hmm," I hum. "I dreamed of her," I confess.

Her back stiffens a little and then relaxes. "Was it a good dream?" she murmurs, afraid of asking me to speak about my sister.

My heart aches a little, but I manage to get some words out, "It was. A really good one."

Lizzie pulls back a little to look at my face. She sweetly drives a hand through my hair, combing it lovingly. "You wanna talk about it?"

I blink, my mouth slightly curving upwards. "I do."

She waits for me to begin, and I take a moment to gaze at her, watching me with soft eyes and lips still remembering the way they curled when she smiled.

"My mom has a music studio," I begin, inhaling deeply. "She's a vocal coach and managed to open her own school about ten years ago. She used to give both me and... and my sister classes. That's where the dream was set. She was playing the violin and I was following with the piano. My mom was singing. And you—"

Her brows rise on her forehead. "Me?"

I smile. "Yeah, you. You were there, too, and you were sitting next to me. I don't remember what we were playing, but it was something happy. She was smiling and I could feel that she was okay. I just knew that she was, I don't know, at peace. I don't know how to explain it. I just knew she was okay. I guess... I guess my subconscious kinda wanted me to know that. Like, maybe I needed to see her being all right to actually believe that and somehow start moving on. Do you think that's stupid? It is, isn't it?"

Lizzie sits on her heels and takes my hands in hers. "Absolutely not. Dreams always have a meaning. You know what I think the meaning of this dream is?" I shake my head. "That you're starting to forgive yourself. You're healing, Aaron. And that doesn't make you a bad person. Quite the contrary, actually. And that won't change the grief. It'll simply make it a bit more bearable. Eventually, you'll think back to that night, and you won't feel your heart sinking. It doesn't happen overnight, of course. It's a process. But this... This dream is how the process starts."