Sweet or Bittersweet

Chapter 1

                                          Sophia

Miserable. That's what love makes you feel. The fact it manipulates you to the extent where you completely loose yourself. People say love makes you strong. Wrong. It makes you weak and useless.
Love makes you smile unexpectedly. Wrong. Love makes you frown and sad only.
That's what I thought about love and today was the final evidence I needed.

Meet me, I am Sophia Wilson, an 18 year old teenager. Different from all the other girls.
While society tells girls to keep their hair long because girls should only have long hair, I don't give two fucks about it and chooses to keep my hair short. Many mistake me to be a guy at times and also assume that I may be a lesbian. But damn do people not realize that clothing style have nothing to do with sexuality? Ugh.

I was that one girl who had tattoos, multiple ear piercings and a lip piercing, only wore jeans and tops and sweatshirts. People always assume that I am just confused and experimenting with myself. But the truth was, I am just being myself. I do what I like and never let anyone decide what I should do.

People consider me to be as cold as ice because of my introverted nature, they think I am heartless, but in reality I'm a lost soul with no direction whatsoever. Never had a stable relationship with my parents. Friends were never really friends. They just came and went. Obviously me being 'unique', I became the center of attention in her school days and the only reason why people used to be with me is just because of my popularity.

But there were four people for whom I would sacrifice my life for. My best friends.

Ash, openly gay and not afraid of any judgement. This is what made me happy, Ash was like me, not giving two shits about what people think about us.

Claire, a hardcore fashionista but always kept herself grounded and kind. Usually you see fashionistas being crude and bitchy, but Claire wasn't like that. Can we mention the amount of failed attempts at making me wear those bright colored clothes. Funny to say the least.

Ryan, a bisexual cuz according to him he can get a taste of both. Him and his weird statements. Ryan, was the party kinda guy, and like an annoying brother to all of them. Well except for Ash- Ahhh we'll get there soon.

I knew how to choose and decide who can be my friend and these were the ones who never left my side. If anyone dares to lay a finger on them, I would straight away wipe out their very existence.

Now let's get back to my life shall we.

"Sophia I swear to god if you don't wake up this instant you'll be grounded for a whole month!" Shouted my mother lily from downstairs.
"Ugh coming mom!" I replied annoyed.

"They should just let me be and leave my ass alone already." I grumbled. It was nothing new at all for me. Reason one why I absolutely hate being around my parents. All I hear is arguments and taunts. Sighing deeply, I gets ready quickly. I threw a navy blue sweatshirt with black ripped jeans, messing up my short mahogany hair. Perks of having short hair, you don't have to waste time styling everyday and conditioners just last long enough.

As soon as I reached the living room, I could already feel the devilish stare my parents gave. I knew they were judging me from top to bottom.
"Look the whore of the house has finally decided to come for breakfast". My dad John exclaimed with filth. Mom simply smirked along and I couldn't say anything.

"More like a lady who doesn't know how to dress like a lady". This time she decided to add more fuel.
"The cook has prepared your box. Take it or stay hungry". Dad coldly said and I just stared at the beautifully curated lunchbox. I should be happy at this luxury right? No. I'd rather eat dirt than this.

"I'm not hungry, I'll eat something outside". I said and simply walked out, not caring about that stupid box.

FIRST DAY OF UNIVERSITY

"Ugh how long is she going to take, we've been waiting forever now!! Claire complained while Ash and Ryan didn't even bother listening but silently chuckled at her childishness.
"Don't worry Claire your sunscreen won't let you burn so easily, I mean we have been waiting only for five minutes you know and uni doesn't start until 10 am since we are freshers." Ryan replied to calm her paranoid ass for sometime.

"I'm sorry you guys, I'm here now". I reply from behind and Claire jumped due to the sudden voice. She turned around and had her classic pout when she's mad. Ryan and Ash were chuckling looking at her.
"Not funny at all Sophs, you literally gave me a heart attack".
"Don't worry miss fashion, you'll not die anytime soon". Ash said and threw his arm around my shoulder.

"Okay let's not waste time! ITS OUR FIRST DAY OF UNIVERSITY!" Claire was already jumping with excitement while me? I had no idea how to feel. How do you even express such emotions without feeling lost.
"Sophie....come on cheer up!" Ryan said. "Uni will be good, trust me". Claire says and I simply nod at her.

We take the bus to our uni and honestly, the campus was amazing. I mean at least better than our schools for sure. We made our way to our respective classes. Me being the only finance and accounting student while the rest were in different courses like Claire in design and fashion technology, Ash in computer science and Ryan in hotel management.

I enter my class and I could already hear whispers saying "damn is she a guy or a girl?" "I bet you she's a lesbian". Damn fools. I don't have time for this sort of fuckery. I take my seat next to the window and wait for our professor to arrive. Since it was our first day, nothing much was done except for introduction to the semester and a few orientations. After which uni was done for the day.

Their classes would end at different timings so it I informed them that I'll be leaving. Before I could climb on the bus, a certain someone called me. It was Brandon, my...boyfriend. Yeah, hard to believe that I'm actually in a relationship. Well to be honest I don't think this will last anytime soon.

"Hey Brandon? What's up?"
"I need you to come to the cafe, we need to talk" his voice sounded dead serious and I knew what was coming. And heck I was ready to face it.
"Cool, I'll be there". I say and cut the call. Taking a deep breath, I sit on my seat and the bus takes off.

                                               🖤

"So what you wanted to talk about?" I dryly ask him. Dammit show some emotion you rock.

"About us, what the actual hell is your problem Sophia? Do you seriously not care about us? Our relationship? Every time I try to initiate a kiss, you either reject or have a dry face. We don't even hold hands anymore and....are you done with me?" He asks with evident frustration and me? I didn't even know what to say. What do I even say? That I'm sorry, I'm bored? Will that make the world's cruelest person? Probably.

"I...I don't know" I say. "Of course you don't. I mean what else did I expect huh. You never share your problems with me? I'm trying my level best to not loose my patience but you're making it impossible". Now his eyes were having tears. I felt my heart crack at the sight but my face clearly didn't say it.

"Do you wanna break up then?" I ask. He seemed a bit shock at that statement.
"I don't see any other choice Sophia...but it seems like you've lost interest in us". He sadly says. That's it, I can't hurt him any longer.

"Then let's break up Brandon, If this relationship is tiring you out then it's not worth it. I'm sorry for being the worst girlfriend to you. But don't think that I never felt anything for you, you kept me happy. You really did. But now I can't drag you along with my burdens. I hope you find someone who truly appreciates you". I say in one breath. His tears fell from his eyes and onto the table.

He knows how exhausting this relationship is, He knows that definitely not in this life. Maybe not even the next life and the next. He wipes his tears and says, "I hope the same for you too, Goodbye Sophia". He immediately leaves after that.

Am I really not worthy of love? Did I really exhaust someone to this point?

Why me....why me?