Alex book thing

But I have to.

I have the feeling I'm starting to lose control over things. Not only over my own life, but also over the lives of my friends.

I want to be there for them, but just when everything is alright, something happens that throws everything fucking down again.

I might always deny it, but I actually am scared. Scared of what I'm not able to stop. Scared that things will happen because I lost control over everything. It's a scary feeling, losing control.

It's like I'm making a puzzle, but every time I'm almost done, I realize I miss a piece. I'm never able to finish it.

I want to be the person my friends can trust, no matter what, but I have the feeling they're starting to hide shit from me. From everybody, actually. Like someone is taking my puzzle and removing pieces one by one.

It hurts seeing some of them breaking down. Like they're dying inside, but refuse telling me even though I want to know. I want to know it more than I want to know anything else.

The truth is I don't give a fuck about myself, as long as my friends are alright. And the truth also is, some of them aren't.

After all, I'm just getting really tired. Not the kind of tired you fix with some sleep, but the kind of tired you get when life kicks you in the fucking guts a few times.

It sucks you know. When everything is doing fine, then it all crashes again. And the worst part is, I really don't want to try and put it all back together again. But I have to.