Alex book thing

Rant 4 (?): trusting people

In my 18 years of very disappointing existence, I have gained something that I would like to see as something that goes inbetween wisdom and "a very little amount of fucks to give". 

I have learned that, even if you try, some people you can not become friends with. You can buy them coffee (which is a really fucking nice gesture), give them compliments on whatever (even though it's probably lied) or follow them around like a loyal dog, they will not become your friends.

This can be for a couple of reasons, which I'm not going to state here because my self-esteem is already quite handicapted. 

Now, trusting people is the hardest fucking thing in the world. Why? Because once you trust someone. Once you open up to someone, they have the power to destroy you. You break down the wall that you probably built up around yourself and show them you in the weakest form. 

You become an easy target. To bully or use. To give false hope and then kick down into the ground. To give them more trust issues than they already have.

These people are assholes. The biggest assholes that walk around this already very pathetic earth. They enjoy breaking down people. They enjoy it because it makes them feel powerful.

I've met more than one of these kind of people in my life. I've made the mistake to trust one of these assdicks more than once. And I've learned something from it. I've learned that when I meet someone like this and I open up to this person and this person tries to destroy me, I punch them in the face.

Physically.

Mentally.

Doesn't matter. I punch them in the face. And then I walk away to get a cup of coffee, hang out with my real friends and play with my dog.

Why?

Because these people aren't worth feeling bad over. They aren't worth crying or trying. They aren't worth a piece of dogshit, to be honest. 

In the beginning, I found it hard to ignore the feeling of sadness and betrayal that washed over me once I got kicked down once again, but I grew stronger. Or wiser. Or I just stopped caring.

And honestly, whether it's a good or a bad thing, I'm happy this way. I don't open up to people. Almost never, unless I am 99.9% sure that they will not stab me in the back. I've gained some close friends out of this. Some friends that I know will be there for me whenever.

I've protected myself this way against stupid fuckshits like some out there. 

I don't like people. Most people at least. People will always disappoint you, because you expect them to be better than they are. Better than they can be. 

This doesn't mean that there's no one out there you can trust. There are some real nice fucking people walking the streets. You just have to find them. 

But until you're certain you've find someone who's right, train your uppercut so you how to punch when you run into a wrong one.

Stay different.

- Alex