Alex book thing

My teenage years.

I know what you're thinking: "holy shit, Alex, you're still alive?". I know, it's a miracle. I don't think any of you have a very desperate need for a chapter written by my very suck-ish hand, but you'll have to suck it up, because here we are. 

Thursday, August 19th I'm turning 20. Yes, let's take a moment to think about that. I'm turning 20. I have 2 more days of being a teenager and then it's done. It's not like I'm planning to start acting like an adult, because let's be for real. Someone like me doesn't really ever learn how to act all grown up. 

As a tribute to my very succesful, yet unsuccesful teenage years, I've decided to write down for you some of the things I've learned being a teenage boy in Memphis, TN, US. 

Buckle up. Things are about to get messy. 

1. Who the fuck am I?

I'd like to start off with something that I struggled with a lot being a teenager. The question of "The Alex" (I like to make things sound more interesting than they really are). When you go to High School, there's a great discussion that starts off in your head: am I supposed to act like I want to act or am I supposed to try and get myself some friends? I must admit, there have been times where I made the mistake of trying to be cool. Which is something I'm obviously not capable of. To understand what I'm talking about, I'll give you a description of "Alex" written by Kyran the Infamous:

An Alex is an average looking guy who tries his best at all time to look like he just stepped out of bed. An Alex will always tell you exactly what he's thinking, most of the times in a language called "sarcasm". An Alex is rude, when you don't know how to handle an Alex you will most likely be scared off. An Alex cusses a lot, which is why an Alex is not very suitable to be used for meeting parents, grandparents or homophobes. An Alex will always protect his friends, even if that means he needs to punch someone square on the nose. An Alex likes to do things that are very bad for him, this includes the following: smoking, drinking, starting discussions with police officers, principals or other important figures and doing dangerous stunts on his skateboard. May you encounter an Alex, approach carefully. The Alex might go in defense mode, which is never a good thing. Give an Alex some time, since an Alex is likely to have trust issues and be a dickhead. 

I very quickly made the decision to be myself in High School. I've ended up with some good friends, but not a lot of friends. Which I honestly don't mind, I don't have the energy to hang out with dozens of people. That just gives me a damn head ache. 

2. Girls are fucking stupid.

I like to apologize for all the girls reading this, but in my teenage years I have maybe had two good experiences with your kind. It could be my city. It could be my fucking state, but all the girls here seem to be either extremely dumb, retarded, spoiled to the fucking bone or trying to live a bad romance movie (I'm not going to fucking kiss you in this fucking rain, it's cold alright). 

I don't hate girls. I'm a heterosexual guy, I like girls, but if you start complaining about your dad not wanting to pay for your new shoes, new dress, new horse or whatever else is very important in your life, I will make a comment about the fact that you might want to leave the next piece of chocolate cake you see. 

What you need is a lesson "shutting up, reading a book and being grateful for my working legs."

3. Staying out of trouble isn't worth it. 

Being an Alex, staying out of trouble isn't my greatest talent. Now I'm not talking about bad boy shit like stealing cars and dealing drugs, because I don't do dumb shit. I mean the fact I can never shut my mouth. When I have an opinion, I will express this opinion, no matter how harsh it probably comes across. 

If there's something I've learned in my teenage years, it's that staying out of trouble isn't worth it. There's too many people talking shit and telling them straight up what you think about them is quite fun. Especially when they get mad and look at you like they wish you were never born (thanks dad). 

4. Life was actually fucking easy.

Yes. Being a teenager is easy. At least until you turn 18. I'm not talking about other problems which you can be dealing with when you're a teenager, I'm talking about something else. I'm talking about one thing. Money. Fucking money. It can actually ruin your life. Believe me, enjoy things whiles you don't have to pay for them. Cause that's going to change once you get older. And it fucking sucks. 

5. Fucking enjoy it. 

Since I'm running out of teenage time, there's something very important I've learned: enjoy your teenage years. You will literally look back on it as them being the easiest years of your life (if we don't mention the years where all you have to do was poop and eat and cry). You have High School, but besides that there's plenty time to get wasted (21 is too old) and party your ass off with some great fucking friends. Don't give a shit. Literally give no shits. There's too little time to worry about what stupid fuckers think of you. There's too little time to even care about what you think of you. Don't be someone you will end up hating. 

It doesn't matter who the fuck you are or what the fuck you want to do. You don't have to be positive and jolly all the time. You can hate the world and still be enjoyable (I'm not sure, ask my friends). You don't have to be nice to everybody, you don't have to shut your mouth because what you want to say is "hurtful". Some people need to be hurt in order for them to start acting fucking normal. 

You can cuss, you can drink, you can punch your dad straight on the left eye if he's being an asshole (lol it's very satisfying). You can go around being called an asshole, as long as you think for yourself and do whatever the fuck you want to do. 

You're only a teenager once. It's your only time to rebel and have it being called "puberty". So enjoy them. 

Develop a good music taste. Experiment with some way too strong, way too sweet alcoholic drinks. Don't let anyone tell you who you are. Your middle finger is a very strong tool, use it. Stay out late, fall flat on your face because of climbing a police station. Maybe get arrested (this one is doubtful, I'm still not sure if I found it fun). 

So, this is me saying goodbye to my teenage baby face and hello to my still kind of adult baby face (but this time, I can grow facial hair. Improvement). 

Stay different.

- Alex