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What I've feared the most happened

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What I've feared the most happened.

I'm going through it all again.

The pain is getting worser, the painkillers are of no use and I'm again trapped in one of these hospital beds.

I have to do it all over again WHY?!

Why Allah why? Why ME???

Being in this situation brings those memories back I don't want to remember.

All those days I spent tied to the hospital bed or those nights I spent sleeping on the couch of the hospital waiting for him because I couldn't just leave him.

My favourite person to play, sleep, talk and just be with is now at a better place than this cruel world.

'Allah yrahmak' I murmured, his happy face with a wide smile flashing before my eyes, as if he's standing in front of me.
(Rest in peace)

The sole reason we've moved from Cologne to Frankfurt is because we want to leave our old life and start a new one with our dearest ones.

Luckily I had requested the paramedics to bring me to this hospital where my mother works and they agreed.

Back in the forest I had requested Aaliyah to pick up my sisters from kindergarten and look after them until my mom figures out what to do.

I had no one here in this new city I could call and in that moment it was either her or the teacher.

How could I ask a teacher to look after my sisters?

I had no other choice and she was the only one present I could ask and trust with the most precious princesses to me.

To be honest I've never even talked to her properly nor has she before.

She's quiet even in class but something was telling me that she is reliable.

She was hesitant and shocked at first but immediately agreed.

Not blaming her because if someone - whom I don't even know except their name - would have asked me to pick up their siblings from kindergarten and look after them I would have surely reacted similarly.

I spoke to the kindergarten director and explained her the situation and she understood and was ok with Aaliyah picking up the twins.

Usually she wouldn't be allowed as she's no guardian or family member.

The kindergarten door requests a special QR code assigned to each child and their family.

I had told her about it and she gave me her contact number so I could send it to her.

-

After all the check ups and tests I was now lying on the bed rethinking my whole life.

Sabr with Niyyah's GraceWhere stories live. Discover now