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The week of the presentation and oral exam is over

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The week of the presentation and oral exam is over. This upcoming one is for the written ones.

I have revised every topic and made sure to understand them, but you never know, what kind of exam questions come up.

The pressure of not failing this year is overwhelming me, with every passing minute.

I can't fail this year! I have to do this! I have to do it, if not for me, then for my family.

I can't stay like this, living off the money of my own mother, when I, myself, am a grown up man.

I can't burden her furthermore. I'm 20, I should have completed my A-Levels two years ago.

I would be now doing my degree and probably a side job to help myself and finance my studies.

But here I am, living with my mother, who works extra hours, just to make sure we lack of nothing.

Shouldn't I be the one providing for my family? Shouldn't Yemma be working half-time and enjoyings her evenings with us or pampering herself?

Everything went downhill since we moved to this country. It suffocates me sometimes.

How more cruel can this world get? Can it get any worse, than snatching your brother from you? Is there something worse than living with your mother who yearns the death of her son and the distance of her husband?

She thinks that I don't know or see, but I do. I see how she cries herself to sleep.
I see it in her eyes how much she misses Ayman and Baba.

I do too. But a mother missing her dead son, can't be compared to my pain. A woman missing her husband whom she loved, can't be compared to mine.

In fact, I was never close to my father. I was always my mom's favourite. Ayman was closer to Baba and since his death, he left everyone with a hole in their hearts.

Ayman, my brother who was born when I was 7. Still we bonded very well. I had wished for a sibling for so long and when Ayman was born, I was the happiest and wouldn't leave his side.

4 years later he was diagnosed with Leukemia. Our family was devastated. He was the reason we moved here.

Germany has the best doctors, they say. They might have them, but they couldn't cure my brother, they couldn't treat Ayman.

I don't remember exactly but Ayman's condition was so bad that no treatment could be started.

The deadly disease had started developing when Ayman was just born and hence it had reached a stage, where nearly nothing could be done.

We have been to nearly every hospital in the whole of germany. But no improvement in his condition. Nor any new treatment options.

Yemma was back then a medical student in her last year. I saw how she did research every night. Every night and free minute of her day, she would spend researching and reading about Leukemia.

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