11: initials on guitar.

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i was literally head over heels for gerard. i'm not joking. i was willing to do anything for him.

if he told me to jump off a cliff, i would do that. just for him.

but that's because i was blind. i was so fucking blind.

he didn't want me. he really didn't want me. i was just... there. i bet he didn't even see me as a friend. we just... hung out a lot, made music together and had sex. that's all he wanted me for. music and sex.

day 52

i woke up in gerard's bed, naked and completely wasted. unfortunately, i remembered everything from yesterday.

i looked around, my head hurt like a motherfucker and my eyes were almost closed.

he wasn't in bed. i decided to just put my clothes on and leave.

i dressed myself and quietly opened the door in his room, when suddenly i heard some voice talking.

"yeah! i've been great, what about you?" i heard gerard say, and i decided to stay for a little longer, just to hear his conversation. i know, disrespectful and shit. i don't care.

"that's awesome darling" he said so softly, and my heart skipped a beat.

"oh whatever it's probably just some family member.." i thought to myself, hoping to god that he wasn't talking to another girl.

yeah, we weren't together. but fuck was i jealous.

i decided to finally leave his house once he hung up the phone. i started walking to the front door, when suddenly someone grabbed my wrist. of course it was gerard.

"where are you going? i just made you some breakfast" he said kind of sternly, as i stared into his hazel eyes that were slightly narrowed.

"sorry i'm not really hungry.. and i also have to go" i said quickly and i tried to get out of his grip, but i couldn't.

"why? did something happen?" he asked, and i immediately felt guilty out of nowhere. fuckin' manipulative bitch...

"yeah- u-uhh... apparently my aunt is at the hospital! she had a car accident!" i tried lying my way out, and of course i made a bad attempt at it.

"y/n.. i know you're fucking lying. so tell me, huh? what is up?" he sounded angry with my behavior, like he wanted to punch me straight in my face. i gulped nervously, as i looked down.

"nevermind...i'll just eat the breakfast i guess." i said defeatedly, as he smirked to himself.

"come on then" he said, dragging me to the kitchen by my wrist that he didn't let go of. we sat down at the wooden table, and he put a plate with eggs and bacon right in front of me. we started eating after i thanked him for the meal. we ate in silence, and it was literally stressing me out. i wanted to throw up from the whole fucking stress.

"so why did you lie?" he asked me after some time, looking into my eyes intensely.

"i-i u-uh... i just got... stressed... i guess..." i said, avoiding eye contact with him as i scratched my neck nervously. he scoffed, rolling his eyes at me.

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