Canvas of Love | TxS

22 - deeply alone

- Lauren -
-- A Few Weeks Later --

I sat the plate of food on the dining table and dropped on the chair. My hand grabbing the fork to begin eating the dinner but i wasn't even hungry.
No. I have to eat. I haven't had anything else but a coffee the whole day.

I stabbed a bunch of food and lifted it up to my nose, the smell of it alone is making me regret on having to force myself to fill my invisible hunger.

What is going on? I can't think of anything but Maddy. How is she? I hope she has eaten. I swear i'm killing my own self from worrying only about her.

- Maddy -

I lead myself down the staircase, locating anything in the fridge that would full fill my sadness but absolutely nothing called out to me.

My feet lead me back upstairs however i passed my bedroom and walked towards the room that showcased the park that was in the distance.

Full of people and their kids. I'm not ready to socialize with the other neighbors so i walked back out and in my room.

My body dropped dead on the bed, staring towards the ceiling like i'm actually losing my mind. The urge of crying suddenly waved over me and i tucked my legs in, letting it just consume.

- Lauren -

My hands rubbed across my face for a brief second before i forced the plate away from my sight, standing up to walk to the living room for a distraction with some tv screen.

I allowed myself to lay down, trying my absolute hardest to understand the storyline of the show but the more i tried, the harder it got.

My hand reached for my phone and i pulled up Maddy's number, writing out a message that i hesitated to send just yet.

I really shouldn't. I'm just gonna be giving her hope if we start texting right now. But god! I want to at most hear if she's okay. What have i gotten myself into? Love so restricted that it's only dragging me through misery.

The sight of three dots appeared right away and my heart practically skipped a beat from joy taking over however they disappeared just in the same second.

- Maddy -

I slammed my phone on the bed sheets with a groan, at this point absolutely lost about what i can or cannot or what i even should do.

"Maddy?" A voice traveled in my bedroom the same with a few knocks but i gave out no answer, hoping that my mom doesn't come in. "Darling?" The door cracked open and i immediately wiped off the tears, turning my back against her.

"Are you asleep?" I heard her kneel in front of me, the touch of her hand brushing my arm. It took some time before finally acknowledging her leave the bedroom and i forced myself on my back.

The sobbing flooded me like before yet the sudden sound of a message brought my attention towards my phone.

Lauren: hi :)

Me: i was just thinking of texting you

Lauren: i saw you were so why didn't you?

Me: thought you'd be mad at me. we are distancing but maybe also online so i was scared

Lauren: pretty, no! i couldn't even hold back from message you and at this point i don't care if we at most text <3

Me: how are you then?

Lauren: worst then i thought this would be. you?

Me: same. i wanna see you. can i please come over? please, lauren

Her reply time took longer than the others. Seeing as it's read but nothing being written back.

Me: okay. i won't pressure you. can i at least know what you're doing? what are planning to do tomorrow in class?

Lauren: it'll be an easy lesson so don't worry. and i'm not doing anything. trying to distract myself with watching a show

Me: oh? what show? what channel? i wanna watch it with you :)

Lauren: channel 13, sweetheart. something about investigating crimes 😅

Me: good genre for a distraction. is it working?

I sent the message and switched my own tv on, letting it play in the background.

Lauren: not really. i want you to be here with me.

As i read out the text, my heart throbbed and i didn't hesitate to just put the phone down. I knew i wanted nothing else but the same yet understanding that it's just something i can dream of makes me slip into the same dreadful emotion.

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