Unstable [Harry Styles AU]

Chapter 32

Death alone is a scary word.

It's surrounded with darkness and hurt, and the sound of it alone can make your heart ache.

It's even worse when someone you love is...dead.

That word disgusts me, I can't even think of it.

Niall and I are parked in the dirt driveway to the house, but neither of us get out, and we both stay silent for what seems like forever.

"We should probably get going, you need to get to a safe spot."

I nod at his words, sniffling softly as my eyes burn from the many tears that had fallen from them.

I sluggishly make my way into the cold and bitter house, shivering from the chilly air.

My heart races through my chest as i have one last hope that Harry will be standing up and waiting for me with his lopsided grin, and I would run up and give him a tight hug and never let go.

As I open up the front door I'm greeted with nothing, and I expectantly walk into the room where everything went down, just to be greeted with Louis.

"I'm not quite done yet, Jules. You need to leave anyways, I don't want you to see this."

My breath hitches in my throat as I further realize- he's not coming back.

I swallow the lump in my throat, nodding my head as my eyes turn shiny from the tears forming.

I turn around, about to make my way back up the stairs and trying to forget the fact that Harry's lifeless body is laying in the room next to me.

"Wait, Jules." I look back at him and he's walking towards me, rummaging through his pocket and pulling out a piece of folded paper. "Harry, he wanted me to give this to you just in case he...you know." He looks down, trying not to let his own tears fall just like me.

I need to stay strong, we all do.

I take it from his outstretched hand, not wanting to hear anymore, and pull him into a tight embrace. We both pull away with sympathetic smiles on our faces.

I thank him for the paper as he walks away, and I stare at it- extremely curious. As soon as Louis is out of my sight, I sprint up the stairs and into our, or I guess my, room.

I slam the door behind me and sit on the bed, unfolding the piece of paper.

I try to hold back the tears as I begin to read Harry's handwriting, this must be what he kept working on every time I walked in on him- it's what he was hiding from me.

Julianne-

My love.

This past year has been the greatest of my life, and the best I will ever have. But sadly, like usual, it ended way too soon.

In advance, I apologize that this had to be written on paper. If I tried to get it out and say it in real life first, I would probably end up saying something stupid or messing up, and honestly I'm tired of messing up. So here's me telling you this, and on paper first, but trust me when I say I'll tell you a million times after.

First of all, to get this out of the way, I'm a screw up. Plain and simple. I not only messed up my life, but I messed up yours, and you deserve so much better than me, you and our baby.

'Our baby', wow. It's crazy to think this- we're having a baby. I can't wait. I can't wait to have this baby with you, to love the both of you and support you and raise our beautiful child together. These nine months won't be able to go by any faster. And yes I was scared, I am so sorry about the way I reacted the other night. I'm not used to everything I've been feeling lately, and that's why I had to write it down here, to get all my thoughts out clearly and onto a piece of paper.