You Chose To Love Me (StudxStud) [Completed]

11: Afraid

RAYA'S P.O.V (October In Media)

"You'll be taken away from me" october cried "just like rose" she stated

I didn't know what to say to that because even though I had been with October for all those years, we were young back then and rose was the person who picked up the pieces.

Now that rose was gone I was extremely worried. I wasn't jealous or anything because I knew that october and rose had a connection in a different way than me and her. No one could ever understand what me and October had been through together.

Being at the hospital I was afraid that I would loose my mom but in the process october lost rose and the sight of it was so damn depressing. The way she was holding rose in her arms and how she pleaded for her to stay, it almost made me cry.

It had been a week since then and October hadn't left my side or even my house. Not that she needed an excuse to stay but I could tell that loosing rose took a huge toll on her and even though I will always have a place in october's heart, so will rose.

It was weird how calm and understanding I was being about everything because even when rose was alive. I still understood why october loved her.

"I can't" those words broke me out of my thoughts "I can't loose you" she whispered "at all especially not in the way that I lost her. I was angry with rose, I wanted to get back at her for cheating on me, so I completely deleted her out of my life knowing that she needed me"

"Don't do that" I finally said, she gave me a weird look before I continued "don't even think about blaming yourself. This is not your fault"

"I feel like it is" she croaked out "I need you to promise me something" october looked at me with an expression I couldn't read

"Do you love me?" Rose asked

"Yes, you know that" I admitted

"Promise me that you'll never stop. That even when it seems like we hate eachother, promise me that you'll always try"

"October what ar-"

"Promise me!" She yelled

"Okay, I promise" I said before engulfing her into a long hug "but you need to promise me something to" I whispered while she buried her head into me, I felt her nod her head against my neck

"Promise me you won't let this break you. That you won't self destruct"

"I can't promise that"

"Well promise me that you'll atleast fight it. That you won't give up"

"I promise" she laid her head on my chest as she sighed.

We were now laying down in each others arms as a comfortable silence fell apon us. October was laying on my chest while her hands were playing in my hair.

Unexpectedly she kissed my cheek "thank you" she smiled and this was the first time I had seen her smile since roses death. It was great to see but also it was nice to know that I was the reason behind it.

"For what?"

"Loving me" she grinned

"I always will" I admitted

Silence fell apon us again while I held october in my arms and for once in my life I felt complete but I didn't know what would happen between me and her considering the circumstances.

"Her funeral is in two days" she stated

"Would you like me there with you?" I offered

"Yes please. I don't think I'll be able to get through it on my own"

"You won't have too" I responded

I love october but I wasn't going to rush her nor was I going to pressure her to be with me. Especially after everything she has been through, I understand that she needs time and I was willing to give her that. I was willing to give her space as well but it seemed like she didn't want any of that.

I was afraid to loose her but I was also afraid that she'd loose herself. If there's one thing I know for sure, I know that october is the type of person that'll hold everything in until she breaks and I also know that rightnow what october really needs is a friend and I was going to be that for her.

I wasn't going to leave her at a time where she needed me the most. Of course I wanted her as more than a friend but sometimes you have to wait for what you truly want and I was willing to do that for her. I was willing to wait for her.

It's crazy after all these years and October was still the love of my life. Since I was 5 years old she was the woman I knew I wanted to be with and now that I had her back in my life, I wasn't going to take advantage of her, I wasn't going to take her for granted.

She knows just as well as I do how much we love eachother and how deep our bond really is.

I was ready for this adventure with her wether it was as her friend or as her girlfriend. I was ready to be whatever she needed me to be for her.

"After all these years you still love me the way you did when we were little?" October questioned

"Yes, I actually love you alot more"

"I.. I.. love you too"