You Chose To Love Me (StudxStud) [Completed]

23: Depression

OCTOBER'S P.O.V

Life was crazy, if you sat back and thought about it all. About everything thats even happened to you in your entire life.

First my innocence
Then rose, now my mother.

If I thought it was painful the first time I thought she was dead. This time was much worse, my mother had been alive all these years and I had no idea.

Knowing that raya would betray me like that and keep kyria killing rose a secret was so hurtful. I didn't know how to respond to it or how to even take in the information, one part of me wanted to hit her and scream and yell and do everything I could to hurt raya but another part of me just knew it wasn't worth it.

It wouldn't bring my mother back and it wouldn't change anything. I know raya isn't responsible for kyria's actions but she could of told me atleast.

Nina was such a sweetheart trying everything she could to make me feel better. A very big part of me knew that none of this was rayas fault and the only thing she did wrong was not telling me about kyria but what could I do if she did tell me. Kill kyria?

I thought about it but I'm just not that kind of person, I mean rose was already dead there was nothing I could do.

My mother, my sweet sweet mother. My love for her ran very deep, she was my other half. My fucking life line. My reason for living and now I felt like I had none.

"Baby" a familiar voice spoke

I was currently laying in bed, I suddenly felt the bed dip. Nina

"It's okay if you don't want to talk but I'm here for you"

I felt strong arms wrap around my waist, a kiss planted on the back of my head. This is what I meant, Nina was perfect. I don't deserve her at all she was nothing but sweet to me and loved me unconditionally and yet here I was thinking of no one but myself.

"You know we have to talk to raya eventually"  Nina scolded

"I know" I sighed

Was this how depression felt? This pain of no longer wanting to be here anymore literally feeling like you have no reason to live, this bottomless pit in your stomach. If so It was excruciating

After awhile of laying there I heard slight snores coming from Nina. It was cute, she was cute. Ever thing I ever dreamed of having in my life. She was it but nothing seemed right without raya, nothing seemed whole.

It was one thing after another continuously just hitting me in the face. All these problems were choking me all at once and it was too much for me, my father, rose, kyria and raya as well as my mother. All these people either did me wrong or were done wrong.

My mother, my poor poor mother. Didn't deserve any of this.

I looked over at Nina and slowly slid out the bed. she was still sound asleep looking as beautiful as ever. Nina had the ability to make my whole mood change, it was as if she knew me better then I knew myself, that's kinda what happens when you spend so much time with someone.

I dragged my feet along the hardwood floor, I made it to the bathroom, I turned on the water running a bath.

Maybe I just needed to relax

I looked inside the mirror to see the pills that I use to take. I read the label as if it was new to me and honestly it kind of was. I had taken them when I was in highschool due to me being athletic in school. (I would get hurt alot) from playing too many sports

My mother always said I worked myself too hard and that one day I'd be something great. I'd make a change and become somebody but as of today I didnt see any of that happening.

Tramadol I read the pill label again

Tramadol is a Narcotic: It can treat moderate to severe pain. Not that I was in any pain rightnow but emotionally I was.

Have you ever been in so much pain or hurt to the point to where you can physically feel it? That's how I felt at this very moment and that pain it was unbearable excruciating.

I poured a handful of pills in my hand, taking the cup on the sink and drinking the water. I took off my clothes turning off the bath, I slowly slid in and relaxed under it.

I wasn't aware of how many pills I had taken but just aware of how much I wanted this pain to go away. I could fill it all hitting me at once, then all of a sudden the pain went away, my eyes slowly closed in relaxation and darkness took over me...