Niall Horan Pregnancy Series

Feeling Insecure

You were getting ready to take a shower as you undressed in the bathroom. You glanced in the mirror and your face immediately dropped as you saw the reflection. Your face was a little puffier than normal from the baby weight you had put on. Then you looked down to your breasts which had gotten bigger and were starting to feel sore. Then you looked at your bump which had your two little babies growing in it. That brought a small smiled to your face as you felt them move inside of you. But your smile soon faded as you turned to the side and saw the dark stretch marks that were on each side of your bump. You looked at your hips which had some extra weight to them. You looked at your thighs and hated the sight. You had never had a thigh gap, but your legs were a normal size. Now they looked huge and the weight wasn't just in your thighs. Your calved were bigger too and your ankles were worse. Your ankles were constantly swollen. The only time they weren't swollen was first thing in the morning after you had been off of them all night.

You knew that pregnancy was a beautiful thing, and that carry two new lives inside of you was a very beautiful thing. But you couldn't help but hate what it did to your body. You had always been self conscious about your size and weight, and your pregnancy just made it worse.

It had gotten to the point where you started to spit little bites of food into your napkin at meals. If Niall was at work, you would just skip lunch and tell him later that you ate a sandwich. You spent way too much time standing in front of the mirror criticizing all the things wrong with your body.

It was a Tuesday night and you and Niall were Binge watching TV shows on Netflix. Neither of you had said much that night, and you felt like something was off with Niall but you decided to ignore it. If he wanted to talk about it he would say something.

"I'm worried about you, Y/n. Are you okay?" Niall said as he picked up the remote and paused the Netflix in the middle of your fourth episode of the night.

You took a deep breath and looked down at your lap. You knew that this talk was coming. You knew that he knew about your insecurities. It was only a matter of time before he brought it up. You had wondered if that's why Niall had seemed off tonight, but you were hoping it was something else.

You had put on another five pounds in the last three days, and it was getting harder for you to see the numbers on the scale rise. Everyone told you that it was normal to gain weight during pregnancy, and you knew that they were right. But everyone also told you that you would only gain twenty or twenty-five pounds and that was at full term. You were only halfway through your pregnancy and you were already twenty-five pounds heavier than you were before you got pregnant. None of your old clothes fit anymore, and even some of the maternity clothes you had bought were starting to feel a little tight in the arms and chest.

"I'm okay." You said softly as you lifted your head to look over at him. You looked into his dull blue eyes that were filled with worry for you.

"Y/n." He said as he frowned at you. Both of you knew that you weren't okay and that you were lying to him and yourself. But you just couldn't get yourself to say the truth out loud. You knew it would kill him, and you didn't want to see your husband cry.

You sat there in silence as you waited for him to say something. The seconds ticked by, and then they turned to minutes. You played mindlessly with your fingers as you waited for him to break the awkward silence between the two of you.

"Have you been eating?" He suddenly asked, which caused your breathing to become uneven.

You had been eating, but not enough for someone who was carrying two babies inside of her. You thought you had done a good job of covering it up. You thought you were careful hiding the bits of food in your napkin that you spit out after taking a bite. But obviously he knew the truth.