Lexie
After Niall and Harry leave I sit down in the hallway outside of the room, giving Liv a few more moments to herself. To be honest, I need time to take a breath after all the intensity that just went down. You'd think I'd be used to the drama after everything that's happened over the last few weeks but it's draining to be the person always trying to mediate between everyone. I think after the fight with Liam, I finally got to my breaking point. He said some terrible things, he hurt Niall, but more than that he made me start to question everything.
Through all the accusations he was throwing at me, and there were a lot, only one stuck. Maybe Niall isn't ready for what we're diving into. Is he really ready to move in with me? Even more than that, I'm concerned he's not ready to marry me. I never thought about the fact that I am his first serious girlfriend. He and Liv are very similar in their lack of history. I see how not ready Liv is. Why would Niall be anymore ready than she is? Am I rushing him? Is he doing this because he thinks we have to? I was so confused and doubting everything, but I knew I had to put the concerns at the back of my mind at least for the night.
When we finally got back to our hotel from the hospital I went to work making sure he was comfortable and taken care of but clearly he could tell something was on my mind. He knows me well enough to know when something is bothering me. I didn't want to talk about it that night. Not when he was injured and pissed at Liam and had so many other things going on. Not to mention, it was nearly three o'clock in the morning and I was exhausted from everything that had happened. But he pushed until I finally admitted what I was thinking. I told him I wanted to call of the engagement, put it off for another year or so. I then went as far as to suggest that I move in with the girls instead of him. I just wanted to be sure that he was ready and he was doing this because he wants to and not that he has to. That really set him off. He kept telling me that I was just scared and trying to back out. That if I really loved him, I wouldn't let anything Liam or anyone else say stop me from being with him. But how could I not? Liam called me a whore, told me Niall was too good for me, and that some of my closest friends don't even like me. I don't care how strong you are. When someone throws all of that at you it's hard to just let it roll off your back. We spent that whole night, or morning rather, alternating between fighting and talking, trying to figure out where to go from there. It wasn't easy but Niall convinced me not to give up on our plans. In the end, he made me realize that we are not Liv and Liam. This is a completely different relationship than they had. Niall may not have a lot of experience with being in love but I do know I've never felt more loved than I do when I'm with him. I know there's no guy out there who could ever love me like Niall does. And I could never love another guy like I love him. We need to stop comparing ourselves to other couples and just be us. It's the only way we're going to work.
I'm dying to tell Liv that we're technically engaged. I've been thinking about it all week. I hate that I'm keeping this from her. And more than anything, I just want to share it with someone. I know it won't feel completely real until I do. It's just not the right time. Whether it was Harry or Liam drama it never felt right, especially now. I can't go rub my engagement in her face when her relationship just exploded into a million pieces. She needs me right now. I need to put my life on hold for as long as she needs me, because if there's one thing I know when you break up with someone you love, especially your first love, you need your best friend.
"Alright Liv, times up. Let me in." I shout through the door once I decide I've given her enough time. I wait a few moments before knocking again when I don't get a response. I really am worried about her. She stayed surprisingly strong through the whole ordeal, which I'm proud of her for, but I know hearing a guy you love call you a slut can't be pleasant. No matter how much she wants to be alone right now, I won't let her push me away. I'm about to go search for my key so I can let myself in but luckily Liv finally hears me and opens the door.
