Niall
After carrying around the secret of Liv and Harry for months I can't help but feel like a weight has been lifted of my shoulders now that they've been outed. Sure, the fallout wasn't pleasant but it's nice that Lexie and I don't have to constantly worry about Liam finding out and stress about what will happen when he does. His reaction was exactly what I expected. I knew he would blow up, I knew he would be pissed at me for keeping it from him, I even had a feeling he might try to quit but I knew he would never actually do it. I just had to find the right angle to talk some sense into him. Now that the dust has settled a bit, it's still tense but it's getting better. Louis dropped his grudge against me and is slowly coming around to Liv and Harry although he'll never tell that to Liam. I can tell Liam is still angry with me but he knows he can't hate me forever. He'll actually talk to me now, which is more than I can say for Harry and Liv.
He did put his feelings aside for the final show thankfully. It was hard enough to close out the tour, not knowing when the next one will be but it would've been so much worse if there was tension between us all onstage. I'm glad we were able to not only get through that show, but enjoy it. The four of us have been through too much together to let a fight like this get in the way of what we needed from that show. We had to celebrate the last five years that brought us together, remember all the good times we've had and we had to say goodbye in some ways. It's the end of a chapter. When we come back things will be different. There's no avoiding that but I love this band and I would hate to think that it may not be here for us to come back to. I was starting to worry but after that show I know the other guys feel the same way.
Although I'm sad to see the tour end, I am excited to be home for a few weeks. It gives me time to spend time with Lexie before promo for the album ramps up. She's been so busy with work, she wasn't able to be at the last few shows. I hate being away from her but I know how hard she's working. She really wants to make a name for herself in the industry and I really can't fault her for that. I get it. My career has been my main focus for the last five years. I want to be supportive of her, it's just hard when I miss her so damn much. But it'll be better soon. I'll be home full time once we're on our break. She can work as much as she wants as long as she comes home to me at the end of the day. I'll do the big proposal, we'll travel, and we'll plan the wedding. As girly as it sounds, I can't wait until we actually get married. The excitement of what's to come for us is the only thing that got me through missing her on the road.
There is one downside to being home though. Dustin. When I was away, I was able to distract myself a little bit. Not that I was perfect. I know I let my jealousy get the best of me more than once. I know Lexie is fed up with it. But now that I'm home I can feel it getting worse. I'm not just thinking about him and his crush on Lexie. I'm not just imagining all the things he would do to make her his. I have to front row seat to watch him try.
I knew going to the game yesterday wasn't a good idea. I knew it would be torture watching Lexie with him. I try to steer away from him as much as I possibly can but Harry was so insistent. He was so sure he would be able to convince me that Dustin wasn't a threat that I couldn't refuse an opportunity to prove him wrong. And I did. Between their interactions at the game and the way he was fawning over Lexie at the pub it would've been impossible not to see how much he wants her. But somehow, Harry still thinks I'm worrying over nothing. He thinks I'm jumping to conclusions and he's so convincing, I'm almost starting to think maybe he's right. Maybe I should just let it go. But I know it's easier said than done.
This morning I had some meetings and Lexie woke up with a text from Liv, wanting to hang out today so we made plans to catch up tonight since we didn't get a chance yesterday. When I talked to Harry today he mentioned he had a big night planned for Liv and it gave me the idea that maybe I should follow his lead. A romantic dinner could be just what Lexie and I need to get back on track but I know better than that. Lexie would laugh in my face if she came home to a house full of candles like Harry is planning for Liv. That may work for them but the perfect night for me and Lexie includes a pizza, a few beers and whatever game we can find to watch so that's exactly what she finds when she walks in the door.
