Liam
This morning I wake up and roll over in bed, reaching out for Liv before I realize she isn't there. Again. It's happened every day this week. She cheated on me, dumped me and left and somehow I still miss the lying bitch. It pisses me off, leaving me to start my day in a shitty mood every day. Crawling out of bed and being around everyone somehow only makes it worse. Niall is trying to be my shoulder to cry on, with Lexie tagging along assuring there's no way I'm ever going to actually talk to him even if I wanted to. Louis is doing his best to distract me and I'm letting him. It's not working. All it does is add a hangover to my pissed off mood every morning. Still, it's not enough to make me stop and try to deal with this in a healthy way. If you can't drink yourself stupid every night after a breakup, when can you? Harry is the only one that's not on my last nerve. He's giving me space which is all I really want right now.
Actually, after my Attitude magazine comes out I'm wishing I had a time machine or something. I want to go back to that interview where I'm gushing about how much I love Liv and tell myself to shut the hell up. The girl I described wasn't who she turned out to be. I even said she was the most honest person in my life at one point. What a fucking joke. I wish I could go back to all those times I was trying to figure out why she was so distant. I was wracking my brain, trying to figure out some way to make her let me in. Little did I know, she was letting someone else in. She gave up on me. I just wish I knew when she decided we weren't worth saving. Did I even know there was a problem then? Or did her sleeping with someone else create all the problems? If I'm being honest, I really wish I could just erase everything that ever happened between us. I loved her, if I'm being honest I still love her, but I don't want to remember all the good things about her and about us. Now thinking about her just makes me feel stupid and pathetic. And that makes me hate her.
I was supposed to go out with everyone when we got to Vegas last night but when it came down to it, I just couldn't make it through a night of fake smiles and pretending I didn't want to punch everything in sight. So instead I sat in my room drinking alone. Somehow, it seemed like a good idea at the time but it ended up just being depressing. Today is Niall's birthday so I should probably suck up all my shit and try to be a human being for a few hours. God knows he'd do it for me if our roles were reversed.
The plan for the day is that there is no plan. We're just hanging out by the pool, drinking before we get cleaned up, go to the club for the night and drink more. I'm here but I'm not really adding to the party mode. Everyone is laughing and dancing, having a good time while I'm sitting in the shallow end of the pool, sipping my beer and trying to get drunk.
"So how much have you had to drink today?" I hear Lexie's voice, full of judgement say from behind me. I'm about to tell her to fuck off but when I turn around I see she has two beers in her hand. One for me and one for her.
"Aren't you supposed to tell me I've had enough? Not try to help me get drunk." I ask suspiciously but don't refuse the drink she passes me as she sits down on the edge of the pool next to me.
"I think after the week you've had you deserve to drink." She says, giving me a loaded look.
"Thanks." I manage to choke out. I'm surprised to hear this coming from her but I'm not arguing.
"So how are you doing?" She asks cautiously.
"You're joking right?" I ask, unable to contain my laughter. Does she really have to ask that question?
"I wish. But I'm serious. I wanted to check up on you."
"Ok now I know you're joking." I reply bitterly. Lexie didn't like me when I was with Liv. I'm sure she hates me now. Why would she want to check on me?
