Harry
The day off was nice but before we know it, we're back on the road again. We only have three more shows left and as that realization hits me, I can't help but feel conflicted about the tour ending. On the one hand, it's almost like the end of an era. It's sad to say goodbye but at the same time, with all the tension lately I'm honestly looking forward to a break. Liam and Louis are still barely speaking to me and Niall. They continue their routine of ignoring us every day until we go onstage. As soon as the show starts, they act like nothing is wrong, keeping up appearances extremely well and as soon as it's over they go straight back to hating us. I wish it didn't have to be like this. Part of me wishes I could just lock the four of us in a room until we were forced to air everything out. I know how ugly it would get. I'm sure Liam still has plenty of nasty words for me and if I'm being honest, I have some for him as well. But then at least everything would be on the table. No more silent treatment. No more passive aggressive looks. We could move on. But the logical part of me knows it might only make things worse and we can't risk that.
By the time the day of the final show arrives, I think the finality of it truly hits me once and for all. We have the album release and promo but this is the last full show before the break. After that, nobody knows how long it'll be until we tour again. After everything that's happened, I'm not one hundred percent certain that we will tour again. Since we decided to take the break, it was always the plan to come back together eventually but now I'm not so sure. Liam may want to walk away and be done with me and that means being done with the band. I don't want that to happen but I honestly wouldn't be surprised if it did. It's hard for me to accept. This band has been all I've known for the last five years. It's had it's ups and downs, that's for sure but I've had some of the best times of my life in One Direction. I know it's time to start the next chapter and part of me is excited for it but I also don't want to say goodbye. At least, not like this.
Backstage, the mood is different than it's been over the week and a half. It's still not normal but it's more somber than tense and angry. I think the emotions are hitting everyone, not just me. It's particularly hard on the four of us but the band and the rest of the crew feel it too. Regardless if we end up coming back together or not, this is probably our last show ever with these people. They could line up other jobs that would prevent them from touring with us again. We can't resent them for it. They can't take a break just because we do. Life goes on. Still, it's hard to say goodbye to them.
As the day goes on, I do notice Louis speaking to Niall and it looks like they're on better terms. Even Liam isn't completely ignoring him. I'm not so lucky but it doesn't surprise me. It's going to take a lot for Liam to forgive me. I've accepted it. I just want to put everything aside so we can enjoy tonight, one more time.
I've almost lost hope that it could happen but by the time the show starts, it looks like we all feel the same way. I'm not sure if it's part of the act we've been putting but I don't care. I'm having more fun during this show than I have in weeks. So many of our family and friends made it out for this show. Everyone but Lexie who had to stay in London for work. Niall has been silently pissed about it all day but even he seems to be enjoying himself. I think it would be hard not to. Every time I look off to the side of the stage and see them dancing and singing along with us it brings the biggest smile to my face. When Liam's dad starts a conga line during Act My Age, none of us can contain our laughter. I think we start the song over at least ten times before we move on. But as the show comes to a close, it becomes more bittersweet. Niall is the one that starts the group hug and when he does it's like all the drama that's been happening is completely forgotten. I didn't actually expect Liam to hug me but he does and it doesn't feel forced at all. For a minute, we're not enemies. We're not two guys who fell in love with the same girl. We're friends again and more than that, we're brothers. No matter what happens between us, we grew up together. We understand each other like no one else can. Nothing can change that bond.
