Olivia
I should have known it was only a matter of time before the happy bubble I've been living in had to burst. I think in the back of my mind I knew eventually all the lying would catch up with me but I was too content with Harry to care. At first I was so worried that we would get caught. I wasn't getting a lot of time with him and it was hard to remember why I was putting myself through all the stress. But then we'd find some way to be together, usually with the help of Lexie and Niall, and I would remember why it was all worth it. No matter how hard it was I didn't want to be without Harry. I couldn't.
Then Gemma found out and it started getting just a little bit easier. Once she accepted us she became one more person to help us keep our secret. I stopped worrying so much and started letting myself enjoy being with him. We were still sneaking around but without the guilt that I was carrying when I was with Liam, it wasn't so bad. In some ways, I think it made our time together even more special. We knew we couldn't waste a single second and we didn't. The nights we've spent together since we've been on the road are some of the best I've ever had, especially the time we spent at that little cottage in Ireland.
Obviously there's been a lot of sex but somehow that's not even the best part. Don't get me wrong, it's been pretty spectacular but more than anything I've loved getting the chance to learn more about him. I thought I knew everything about him but since we've been together he's opened up even more. I feel like he trusts me with everything and I can say the same about him. I've never felt so comfortable with someone. I didn't think it was possible but I'm falling harder for him every day. All of our time together is spent in private. We don't go out, or do much of anything when we're together but we don't need to. There's never a dull moment with Harry. He makes me feel like anything is possible. I can do or be anything I want. Even though it's been such a screwed up situation, I've never been happier.
I guess that's why it was so easy for Liam to put the pieces together and figure out that we're together. We got comfortable. Gemma told us we needed to stop avoiding each other so we did. The more time that went by, the more we realized nobody suspected anything so we let our guards down. We started acting more natural around each other stopped being so careful. When Harry jumped in to defend me it was obvious he was doing it not just as a friend, but as my boyfriend. So now after weeks of sneaking around and lying to everyone, the secret we've been trying so hard to keep, is out.
I could blame Harry for everything but I know it's not his fault. He felt like he had to protect me from Liam. I can't blame him for that. I know this whole mess is my fault. I shouldn't have told Liam there was someone else. I should have made something up. I could've told him anything. I could've said that I was still trying to find myself or that I needed to be alone. I could've said that I hated him for the way he treated me and I could never forgive him. But none of those reasons would've made him stop. He said he still loved me and he wanted me back. He was ready to do everything he could to fix us. If I would've lied to him he never would've stopped trying. And after everything, even though I'm not in love with him anymore I still care about him. He deserves to know the real reason I'm not with him. I just wish he didn't know that part of the reason is Harry. He wasn't ready to know that yet. He reacted exactly the way we expected him to. This is a disaster.
When Liam stormed out of the room, Paddy chased after him and most everyone else left too. Probably too awkward and dramatic for them. If I could run away from this, I would too. I'm having extreme flashbacks to when everyone witnessed my breakup with Liam on my birthday. I can't help but wonder why I keep getting caught in so many dramatic situations. How does my personal life keep blowing up for everyone to witness? But I already know the answer to that. It's the choices I'm making. Cheating on Liam, starting things with Harry, trying to hide it from Liam and everybody else. I always find a way to screw everything up. I need to find a way to fix this but I'm coming up blank. It's not until I hear Harry's voice that I snap out of my trance.
