Olivia
It's been two days since Gemma caught Harry and I together and it's clear, she still hates me. I thought maybe after the initial confrontation, things would be better. Not perfect but still, anything had to be better than her basically calling me a gold digging whore to my face. I know I probably should have kept my mouth shut and took what she had to dish out. I know that she didn't mean the things that she said. At least that's what Harry keeps telling me. She just lost her head because we took her by surprise and was being a protective big sister. I get it. She's just looking out for Harry. She doesn't want him to get his heart broken. But that doesn't mean it hurt any less. I had to defend myself. I stayed so quiet with everything with Liam and I promised myself I would never let that happen again. Yes, I did an awful thing but that doesn't mean I'm an awful person. I thought she knew that. I thought we were building a pretty great friendship. She opened up to me when she told me about Connor. She confided in me about Michal. I thought that meant she trusted me. I thought she knew me well enough to know that I would never use Harry or anyone else for that matter. That's not who I am. But it doesn't matter to her anymore. That friendship is out the window. Now all she sees me as is a bloodsucking leech using her baby brother.
Ever since that night I've been getting the silent treatment from her. She'll answer me if I ask her a direct question but it's always short and in a tone that makes it seem like she'd rather be doing anything other than associating with me. I'd almost rather have her yelling at me at this point. At least then I could defend myself. Now she darts out of a room as quickly as she can whenever I enter to avoid confrontation. Lottie came back to town yesterday but she has no idea what's going on. I was afraid Gemma would tell her everything and throw me under the bus but she hasn't yet. So for now I'm just playing dumb whenever she asks what's going on with us. I know avoidance won't hold up forever but I'm hoping Gemma's freeze out ends soon.
Now all of this tension only makes me dread the trip to Holmes Chapel even more. I told Harry I wasn't nervous to "meet" his mom but the truth is, I am. Don't get me wrong, I love Anne. She's one of those people that just lights up every room she walks into. It's easy to see where Harry gets it. But after seeing Gemma's reaction to our relationship, I'm scared of what she'll think. Will she think I'm just using Harry too? If Gemma is that protective over Harry, it's got to be worse with his mom right? I can't help but wonder what am I getting myself into? That this is all happening way too fast. We're moving too fast. I'm falling too fast. I thought things with Liam went too fast but that was nothing compared to this. I keep trying to back out of the trip. Telling myself that if I explain to Harry that I'm not ready he'll understand. But every time I try, I talk myself out of it because I know how important this is to him.
In my head I know Harry and I are moving too fast and when I think about our relationship from an outsider's perspective, it freaks me out. But when I'm with him, I don't feel the panic. We've only been dating two weeks but it feels like much longer. I'm so comfortable with him. I feel a million times more sure of my feelings for Harry than I ever did with Liam. Lexie says it's because we were such close friends for so long before we caught feelings for each other. I guess that makes sense. Liam was my friend but I always had a crush on him. He kissed me the first day I met him and after that, nothing was ever normal with us. Harry was my friend and my confidant from the moment I stepped into that house. I could always talk to him and be completely myself with him. That hasn't changed since we started dating. We're moving fast and it's scary in some ways but I don't want to slow down either.
Over the course of a few days I had finally gotten myself ok with the idea of going home with Harry. I couldn't relax completely of course but I wasn't exactly dreading it. But when Harry informed me that Gemma was going too it made me seriously reconsider. Not only is she going to be in Holmes Chapel, she's riding with us. Michal has to work but he's joining us on Friday and staying the weekend. They don't want to have two cars so that leaves me, Harry, and Gemma alone in a car for four hours today. When he brought up her riding with us today I wanted to say no. There was no way I was going to put myself in that situation, stuck in a car where Gemma can say whatever she wants to me and I can't escape. But seeing the look on his face, I knew I couldn't refuse.
