Niall
Waking up again after the long night Lexie and I had was rough, but I wouldn't change anything that happened last night. The argument we had was unexpected but it makes me that much more motivated to get my plans moving with the proposal now that I know how anxious she is for it. I needed her to give me a swift kick in the arse and stop obsessing over every tiny detail. And on the other hand, she needed the reassurance that it was going to happen. I had no idea she even was having doubts. We needed that opportunity to reconnect. Unfortunately, although the detour was much needed, it was unexpected and messed with plans we made for the rest of the night. We were supposed to hang out with Da after dinner last night, so I feel bad we sort of blew him off. Of course, he understood but I still feel awful. He never gives me grief about not seeing him enough but somehow that only makes me feel worse.
I'm glad Lexie agreed that we should stay with him during the shows in Dublin the next few days. It's only about an hour away from Mullingar, and to be honest I don't mind the little bit of a drive. It gets me out of the city, and it's nice to feel at ease after the shows. Plus, with all the drama we're about to walk back into with Liv and Harry, it'll be nice to have a little bit of an escape. I feel a little guilty for not staying at my mums, but Da's was always home for me. Ever since Greg and I were old enough to make the choice, it was always where I wanted to be. I'm glad Lexie understands that and doesn't push the boundaries with my relationship with them. I love them both but I've always been just that much closer with Da. Greg was too, but he's a mummy's boy more so than I ever was. I love my mum and I definitely appreciate her more since I've been away, but Da's is home for me in Ireland.
I'm excited for the shows in Dublin mostly so my parents and Greg can come watch me perform but I've got some friends and cousins coming out too. They're coming to support me but I think they're mostly excited to meet Lexie. Two of my cousins, Deo and Willie, live in London so they've met her a few times already. I think they've spread the word about how great she is so she's got some expectations to live up to. She's going to be meeting a lot of new faces over the next few nights. I hope she doesn't get too overwhelmed. I don't come home that often, so when I do I tend to get swarmed by all my family and friends who still live here. As much as it gets annoying, I love seeing them all. I love being home. These next three shows are probably the most important to me out of the whole tour we've done. Especially considering all the obstacles we've had to overcome. I've constantly been worried and stressed over this complicated love triangle between Liam, Liv and Harry but after being home only for two days, I feel so much more at ease. These next three days are about me and my family, celebrating being in Ireland and just having fun. If I let myself constantly worry whether Liam is catching onto Harry's behavior, or that Lexie and I walk in on him and Liv having a moment I'm going to drive myself crazy.
After our little spat last night, I see how much it's getting to Lex. She's acted so strong, so poised and mature about the situation. She's completely taken her own feelings out of it and just been there for Liv because she sees how happy Harry makes her. At the end of the day, all we want is for Liv to be happy. But I guess I hadn't noticed it piling up on her because I've been so focused on my own feelings towards this fucked up situation. I feel awful. I hate lying to Liam, but I know it's what's best for him right now. He's not at a place to accept the information, and I don't want to risk losing everything the four of us worked so hard for the past five years when we are this close to finishing out the tour. It's only a few more weeks. We just have to make it through till then.
"Niall, Basil is already waiting for us downstairs." Lexie groans opening the door to the bathroom. I realize we're running a bit late, but I really don't care given how tired I am. I pop my head out behind the shower curtain and see her checking her hair and makeup in the mirror as she looks back at me. "What? I'm just saying." She points out looking at the time.
