Olivia
Leaving Dustin's apartment, I can hear my angry footsteps echoing through the narrow hallway. I cannot believe the nerve of that guy. I can't believe he actually expected us to believe that nothing happened last night. That we made it all up in our heads. He thought because we were drunk he would be able to manipulate us into thinking that he didn't try to force himself on Lexie. He somehow convinced himself that everything he did was justified but I won't be so easily swayed. I know what I saw. I may have been drinking heavily earlier in the night, but I had mostly sobered up by then. Even if I hadn't, the sight of him pinning Lexie against the wall is permanently etched in my brain.
It's hard to even describe what I felt in the moment. I was angry and fuming but it was more than that. I was scared. Not for me but for Lexie. I had no idea what was going on or what he was trying to do to her, but I had a pretty good guess. I didn't have time to stop and ask questions. I just had to do something. I guess I was feeling protective over her and I still am. I don't have much experience with that, especially with Lexie. Usually she's the one protecting me. I never understood why she and so many people in my life felt the need to defend me all the time. I thought it was because they thought I was weak and needed someone to take care of me. I found it offensive because it made me think nobody took me seriously but now I'm finally starting to get it. Lexie is one of the strongest people I know and in my mind I know she can take care of herself. But there was something about seeing her look so helpless as she repeatedly told him no. When Ian and I walked in and got him away from her she recovered quickly. She acted like she was completely fine, but I know it was an act. She doesn't want to be seen as weak. I get it. I'm just worried about what lengths she'll go to in order to keep up this act. How much will she let slide? Would she even tell me if something like this happened again?
Maybe I feel like I need to protect her because I feel guilty. I am the one that left her alone with him. I knew Dustin was out of control the minute I walked into that room, but I let her and Ian convince me otherwise. I told myself he was basically passed out and wouldn't be a problem, but shouldn't that have been a warning sign? Shouldn't I have realized that if he was drunk enough to pass out, he was drunk enough to lose all his inhibitions? I knew how much he liked her, and I should have known that all it would take was a little liquid courage to give him the encouragement to act on that. But I ignored the red flags that were right in front of my face. I stupidly gave into their reassurances and Collin's shameless flirting and charm and walked out that door. What Dustin did was wrong, but I can't completely shirk the blame onto him. This is partly my fault too.
Still, as much as I feel the blame on myself it doesn't change what he did. I may have given him the opportunity to force himself on Lexie but he's the one that took it. No matter how drunk he was, he should have known that it was wrong. He knew Lexie is with Niall. She turned him down when he asked her out months ago. From where I'm standing, she made it perfectly clear that she only saw him as a friend, yet he still claims that she gave him some sort of look. He convinced himself that she wanted him to kiss her and took that as an invitation to go for it, even after she said no. Am I missing something? Did she really lead him on in some way that I haven't seen? Does she act differently towards him when there's nobody else around? He seems convinced that she does, but I just can't believe it. Lexie loves Niall more than anything. I've never seen her look at anybody the way she looks at him. Dustin is, or I guess I should say was, her friend but I know she would never do anything to jeopardize her relationship with Niall. Dustin is clearly just delusional.
There is one person that shouldn't be feeling guilty about any of this and that's Lexie but as I finish stomping down the stairs I reach the sidewalk, march my way to her car and turn around only to find her walking calmly a few feet behind me. I expected her steps to be just as loud and angry as mine, but she doesn't look mad at all. The expression on her face is almost blank but I know her well enough to see the small flicker of something. I've seen this look a good handful of times. She's a perfectionist and can usually figure out how to fix any situation but some take more thought than others. She blames herself in those situations and that's exactly what she's doing now. Just like that, the protective instinct is back.
