Picking Up the Pieces // Harry Styles

Thirty Four

I was in a warm, cutesy, cuddly mood. You can probably tell as you read the chapter.

Enjoy :)

oh! and if you didn't know already, Wrists to Hold, book two of the Strings series is out!!!

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Thirty Four


I woke up to only feel the emptiness of Harry and I's bed. The comforter still warm around me, but I was lacking him. I was lacking Harry.

I rubbed my eyes before stretching my arms out to greet the morning. The clock read seven a.m. and that was early compared to Harry's sleeping in until twelve in the afternoon. I felt something was wrong as I kicked my legs over the bed and started to get up.

My feet hit the cold floor and I reached over to grab my sweater from the chair Harry had placed in the corner. It was freezing in the house, only making me more suspicious that something wasn't right.

Harry and the cold are two things that should never be put together.

I pulled some sweats on over my legs and then proceeded to head downstairs. My feet made each floorboard creek a little. I'd grown to love this wooden staircase. It just comforted me. I could feel the carpenter's craft under my fingertips. I smiled a little before tiptoeing down the hall. Even still I got a little lost in Harry's home.

"Harry?" I called, wrapping my arms around myself as I looked for the air conditioning. I ventured down the hall to my right and saw the electronic control panel which was the cause of the chilly air. "Where are you, my hero?" I whispered as I turned the chilling degree of fifty nine up to a seventy two. I closed the panel and wandered down the halls to the kitchen.

It was a complete mess. The whole house was. I ran into the living room to see pillows torn and curtains falling off. Picture frames were knocked over and lamps were titled askew. The remotes were thrown across the room, batteries scattered under the rug. The coffee table had been flipped over, and my head was as cluttered as this room.

Where the hell was Harry?

"Harry?" I shouted now. "Harry Styles?!"

I wanted to cry as I rushed around the house. Even the kitchen had been damaged slightly. Silverware was on the floor and a few dishes and vases had been knocked over. I was relieved to see that all the knives had not left their place. I even checked the cupboard for Harry's sleeping pills, and they all remained where I originally hid them.

I felt as though I had seen the scene before. I felt as though this had happened before. Had I stopped him when he had a fit of rage before? I felt as though I did.

I checked the entire house before deciding to check outside. Tears stung at my eyes as I found him. He sat on the front porch, posture as poor as his state of mind.

"H-Harry, don't scare me like that." I said, wrapping my arms around him from behind. He jumped at my touch but melted back into my embrace.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, eyes somewhere else. His head wasn't here. He was so distant; like a ghost wandering around. He shook his head, complexion sullen and masked with fatigue. His eyes looked dead and sunken. Tinges of gray made his face appear much older. My heart dropped.

"You don't look well, darling."

"I am not well, sweetheart."

I sat beside him on the little step of the porch. I rested my chin in my hand, turning my head slightly so I could see him.

"Is that why the house is a mess?"

"The impulse came back again." He sighed, eyes shining because of the tears that were ready to fly. I bit my lip. "I locked myself outside so I wouldn't go upstairs." He rubbed his head. "I didn't want to frighten you."

"That's okay." I whispered, soothingly. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I-It's just coming back. All the feelings. And she won't stop calling me - "

"The she devil?"

He cracked a smile as he wiped his eyes. "Yes. Taylor the She Devil."

"Her aside. Let's talk about you." I said, taking a deep breath. "I don't like seeing you like this."

He bit his lip, staring at the road before speaking very slowly. "I get . . . angry. I'm trying to avoid the sadness so I get angry."

I hung onto each word, holding his hand as he spoke.

"It's different each time. Sometimes . . . It's because things aren't how I want them to be. I'm angry at whoever put this burden on my head, Scarlett. I don't know if it's God or some other force above, but it's a . . . Raging war between good and bad. I want to let myself get out of control and destroy myself, but - "

"At the same time, you know it's wrong and you're trying to be good." I finished and he nodded. He ran a hand through his hair, pulling at it slightly. I took his hand out of his hair and held it in my hand. "Don't do that."

He looked me in the eyes. His sad, broken eyes made me want to crawl into his mind and turn off whatever was driving him insane.

"I felt that way a lot." I whispered, scooting closer to him. "I don't feel it as much anymore, but before it got very bad. I'd want to jump out of moving cars. I'd want to hurt others on impulse. Lovely people like Ed. In my right mind, I would never want to strangle him, even if he was annoying me, but when I was bad, I wanted to hurt him. For no reason and that made me angry at myself." I looked into his eyes. "I don't want that for you."

"I don't either." He whispered, eyes falling back to the floor.

"Are you still angry?"

He shook his head no and I nodded.

"It's okay to be angry," I whispered, speaking more to the floor now then to Harry. "You just need a better outlet."

"I know, Kitten. Don't be afraid of me. I promise I'd never hurt you. I'm not a monster, baby." He stroked my hair as he pulled me into his lap. I rested my head on his chest, playing with his long fingers and hands.

I had a hard time believing that but I managed a nod against his warm body.

"I know. You just have one calling."

"Don't we all?"

"That's no excuse."

He didn't laugh. He knew how serious I was.

"I'm scared of what you'll do . . . " I whispered, and Harry came closer, strong arms wrapping around me. His scent filled my nose, bringing me peace. His scent was always so familiar. I yawned a little before continuing. "If I didn't wake up - "

"I would still be here. Don't worry."

"Would you?" I challenged, looking up at him.

Harry hesitated, making my heart sink.

"I can't blame you." I whispered.

"You still don't want to be here?" Harry asked. Clearly he was referring to the earth.

"Each day, I look for one thing that I live for. They're everywhere." I smiled. "You're one of them."

Harry kissed my temple as my heart warmed.

"I want to be here for you, just like you were there for me." I sat up a little. "That's a promise, Harry. I know I was merely supposed to fix you and then leave. We got a little sidetracked with my own problems." My voice shook a little, but I kept going. "But I want to be here for you now. For a long time. Even after you've improved. Whether we're friends . . . or more."

"Improved." Harry whispered, fascinated with the word. "Why did you choose that word?"

"Progress over perfection. You may never be one hundred percent better. You might be eighty or ninety, but it'll be a big improvement from when I first met you."

"I could not stand you, you know." Harry chuckled. "The boys sent you up as if you could fix my problems with a snap of your fingers. I wanted to be difficult and drive you nuts - "

"Which you did for a while."

He laughed, warming my insides. "I wanted to be as stubborn as possible. Then I realized you understood and I started to fall in love with you."

I blushed. I couldn't help it.

"Ed was scared you'd bring me down. I can openly admit I was ready to pull off some Romeo and Juliet crap and sneak out to see you." I said, laughing along with him.

"Except we won't die in the end." Harry smiled a little as the sun started to rise.

"Not as long as the other is alive." I looked up at him with nothing but love. "Can you promise me that, Hero?"

"I can, Kitten."

I kissed him tenderly on his lips and he didn't hesitate to kiss me back. I wrapped my arms around his neck as I gave him a long hug.

"Is Taylor an issue still? I thought we cancelled our subscriptions." I said in a joking tone.

"Is she still on your hit list?" Harry chuckled.

"She may or may not be number one." I smiled innocently. "I'm the other woman."

"You're the only woman." He kissed my cheek. "Hey, is it ever awkward," Harry started in a low whisper. "I mean, when Ed and Taylor are working on that stupid song at his house?"

"I think Ed is in a more awkward situation then I am." I thought. "Your two best friends are exes. Then I come into a mix and I can't stand her either."

Harry laughed a little, looking down at the floor. I decided to get him to cheer up a little more.

"Whenever Taylor's at the house, Ed locks me in my room." I said, with a proud nod. "I'm not even kidding."

Harry's laughter rang out through the air, only fueling me.

"I can't come out until her car is out of the neighborhood." I smiled. "If she forgot her coat or something, he locks me in the closet until she's really gone. It's amusing because I make noises from my room and Ed's excuses always make me laugh. I'll bang on the door and he'll be like 'Dang cat'. It's pretty amusing. Especially when I turn the radio and the shower on."

"Some cat." Harry chuckled.

"If that doesn't cheer you up, I'll tell you about the time I climbed out from the window of my room and I sat in the big oak tree outside his house." Harry looked at me with wide eyes and I nodded again as if it was nothing. "Just stuck a ladder outside of my window the day before. Wasn't hard. I found a couple of acorns and I pelted them at her when she headed out the door."

Harry shook with laughter, making me join in.

"I really do hate, Taylor Swift," I said, not even feeling sorry. "I hate her for all she's done to you and I hate her music and her dance moves suck."

Harry looked like he couldn't breathe.

"Really hoped she learned a thing or two about songwriting from Ed because she needs to grow a backbone and sing about something real for once. Okay, he broke up with you. You're sad. Didn't you sing about that in your last two albums?"

"That's enough from you today. Cut it out."

"You have a good heart. You still speak so kindly of her." I admired, giving him a proud smile.

"It's not easy," He sighed. "But I know it's a better choice." A cool breeze whipped by us and I shivered. "A better choice would be to get inside, don't you think?" He rubbed my shoulders and arms as I nodded. I kissed his cheek and he kissed the top of my head. "Come on, Kitten."

He scooped me up in his arms and carried me back to the door. I reached the doorknob for him and started to turn it, only to realize it was locked.

I met his eyes. "Do you have your keys?"

"Do you have yours?" He met mine, looking just as frantic.

"No, I was hoping you had yours!"

"I wasn't thinking straight!"

"We're going to get hypothermia."

"Louis might have an extra key."

"Please tell me you have your phone."

He pulled his iPhone out, waving it in front of me. "Hopefully, he's awake."

Harry made a phone call and Louis said he was on his way. We sat outside for thirty minutes on his porch, playing different apps as we shared Harry's thick jacket. We played checkers and tic tac toe. We played Candy Crush until we ran out of lives and talked a little more. We shared kisses and secrets until I fell asleep in his lap as he finished my level of Plants vs. Zombies.

"Hey, look who's here," Harry shook me gently as I opened my eyes.

Louis gave me a small smile as he unlocked Harry's front door. "Morning, sweetheart."

"Hi, Lou." I said softly, recognizing the older boy.

"Up, up, so you can give me a proper welcome." He clapped his hands, bending down to help me up. I got up slowly, taking his hands as he pulled me to my feet. I didn't hesitate to fall into his arms and hug him tightly. I pulled away with a yawn as he patted my head."Which of you was the idiot and left your bloody keys inside the house?"

"That would be the both of us, mate." Harry said, making me laugh.

He looked between the two of us, giving us a funny look. "You two do belong to each other. Gee whiz."

I laughed as I rubbed my eyes. "Thank you, Louis."

"This isn't goodbye yet. Nope." He shook his head. "Since you called me at such an ungodly hour, you two can make some breakfast for me."

Harry and I shared a look. He looked down a little and I think Louis could tell something was wrong.

"Or we could go to a cafe or something if your home isn't in the best state." He offered as I took Harry's hand. He seemed to meet me halfway. Louis observed that even our actions had appeared to be alike now. I thought it was sweet.

"Yeah." Harry and I said together.

"I'm going to grab my coat." I said, but Harry stopped me.

"I'll give you mine if you get cold."

"Thank you."

"I'm too tired to tease the heck out of you two. I do not plan on third wheeling today so," He broke our hands apart and replaced them with his. Harry and I laughed as Louis hummed and led us to his car. The three of us walked, hand in hand. It was nice to see Harry happy and I felt like my promise had been fulfilled.

Later that day, we cleaned the house together as well as our minds and our souls. We danced as we shifted furniture back in their place and we swept the floors. We soared as we collected the broken glass. We laughed as we threw the pillows at each other, before placing them back where they belonged. We stored these memories in mason jars and kept them in a safe, so maybe one day in case we forgot, they'd be there to jog our memories.

We started as strangers, then unexpected lovers. If someone had told me when I first met Harry that we would be as close as we were now, I would have laughed and insisted that the moody boy hated me.

But now I understood and the more words that came out of his mouth, the more I fell in love with him.

My world was once black and white. There was an occasional strip of silver or gray.

Then Harry came along and it's been in technicolor ever since.