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Nonexistent

BOOK: Nonexistent

AUTHOR: @DragonGirl_97

COVER: Your cover is very good! Your title is easy to read and from first glance it definitely looks like a science fiction novel! Great color scheme!

TITLE: I'm going to be quite honest here, your title is nothing too unique. I think that for your story it's a great fit but there are tons of stories on Wattpad with that same name. It doesn't make your story stand out.

SUMMARY:

My very first suggestion is not to start of with "My name is...".

Something similar to this:

I've only known one world: the small suburban towns and cities of Far North Queensland. It's never been much, but it was something to me.

And then they arrived on earth. They had no mercy for the adults they murdered in less time it takes to take a breath.

Merciless and superior, they overran my home. How monstrous can one stupid alien be?

That question is easy: savage.

-----

Kelia lived a simple and easy life before "they" came down to earth and shattered it to pieces. She'd never imagined a life without adults to guide everyone else through tough times. However, now thrown into a new world where the Ruiners prey on anyone with enough to hope to fight back, she's forced to look for a safe haven to discover why this is happening. With the help of newly found friends, Kelia faces a long and bloody journey in search of answered and safety.

This is only my suggestion! You do not need to take it :) you can use it directly or change it if needed

CHARACTERS: since you only have three chapters there obviously can't be much character development so, I won't say much. In chapter II your character talks about what happened to her sister and dad. I feel like that's a little unrealistic because it JUST happened and she's still traumatized and probably wouldn't want to open up to complete strangers.

RUSHED: I think that since your story is a mix of past and present, it's not rushed at all.

PLOT: I think you're plot is very interesting. I know that you were inspired by the 100 (I love that show). The way the chapters end always make we want to read more. You've definitely got me hooked.

DESCRIPTIONS: You described everything perfectly, I could picture everything you talked about. You didn't over describe nor under. Great job.

OVERALL THOUGHTS: I think you have a great thing going for you. Each chapter left me wanting more.

However, I'm not sure if it's being narrated in past or present tense. You seem to be in past but then you jeer into present. I tend to do the same thing so don't feel bad, but when you edit do fix that.

HOW FAR I GOT: I got to the very end of chapter 2(3?). I wasn't bored but sometimes the story was a little draggy.

Your paragraphs are the normal size paragraphs in formal writing. However, on Wattpad I recommend not doing that. I was on Mobile and sometimes the paragons felt too long and I skipped. Wattpad mobile readers feel daunted by long paragraphs and tend to skim when it gets boring.

CHAPTER I:

In the first paragraph it says: "however I shouldn't be smiling—we would be in the same situation soon." << (Underlined) So the main character is narrating from the past, but that was the only time she gave input as if she were talking to the readers not describing what happened, if that makes any sense?

OTHER:

1. I was definitely hooked! At first I thought I wouldn't like but I definitely did. There are so grammar problems here and there but we all have those.
2. I did enjoy it. Unlike most books I review, I didn't feel bored.
3. I will definitely continue to read. I want to know what happens!

I really have nothing else to say/or correct! You're doing a great job and don't stop!

Advice: keep writing! Be careful with your tenses and how realistic your character acts in the future. Also, just make sure that if your character is telling the story (like if she were telling it to the kids) that she consistently does that. Otherwise, it's in past tense and she is not retelling it.

My questions for you:
- was this helpful?
- was I too harsh?
- were you offended?

If one and two are yes then I am so sorry!

Thank you,

— dreamfloats 

Published: 2.28.17