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To Dream

BOOK: To Dream

AUTHOR: @TheDreamChronicles

TITLE: Your title doesn't exactly make your book stand out. I do like how nice and simple it is though. It really does encase what your whole book is about!

COVER: I like your cover a lot! It's simple but seriously nice.

SUMMARY:

Omg your summary is one of the better summaries I've read on Wattpad. I don't have anything to suggest.

CHARACTERS:
- Calista: so i expected her to be stronger than she was written in chapter 2. she literally allowed them to bully her & talk crap about her brother. i guess i understand her reluctance because she didn't want to get in trouble because of her father. my expectation is for her character to grow stronger in order for her to overthrow the government. i feel like she had to have had at least some strength in her in order to think about overthrowing the government. also, i think that your character needs more to her.
- Jake: so the biggest problem i have with him is that he knows that if anyone caught him painting and dreaming (in chapter 3) he could literally be killed but that didn't stop him from showing calista his paintings? he was too trusting. how did he open up so quickly? there was no suspension, no mystery. plain out his biggest flaw was how trusting he was of calista & the fact that she was going to help him.

RUSHED: It is rushed. If Calista was so dead set on following the rules, how come in chapter 3 she was promising Jake she would help him find his sister. I understand her guilt but she's not suicidal. Ambert's also so quick to try & help Jake. Why are they all so suicidal & unafraid of the laws they know they will get killed if they get caught.

PLOT: Your plot reminds me of The Giver. The dreamless & kind of emotionless world they have to live in with the government controlling all aspects of life. Your plot is really original, however. The biggest problem I have is how fast the story moves. I'm also surprised that the main characters know how much their father does (executing). I feel like the government would want to protect what he does because they don't want him killed by those looking for revenge. I think it would be more interesting if the girls had no idea what their father did (and neither did the readers) and then during the climax everyone learns what he does for a living & how he actually likes it. It would be the biggest plot twist of the book.

DESCRIPTIONS: Your descriptions at the the beginning of the book were like outstanding. As the book went on your kind of lacked on them.

OVERALL THOUGHTS: Your main characters lacks common sense and fear. Also, a lot of characters are introduced at one time. I think it gets a bit overwhelming but that's just me in all honesty. I love your idea & the originality. Your dialogue is really intriguing & shows a lot of characterization. My only suggestion there is your use...of...this...is...really...unnecessary...you...don't...need...these...every...time a character speaks. I think that the chapters for a Wattpad novel are a little long, they kind of drag on. But for a published novel they're good. Also, your tenses change quite a bit throughout each chapter. One second it's being narrated in present tense and the next second it's past tense. Make sure whoever is working on grammar is on the lookout for that. The build up for the climax isn't really there mainly because of how rushed your beginning chapters are.

HOW FAR I GOT: chapter 5

OTHER:
- was i hooked: i was really hooked. you have a great idea.
- would i keep reading: no, mainly because i don't read all that much on wattpad anymore. i just have a lot going on outside of wattpad.

ADVICE: keep writing! seriously, you have great story!

My questions for you:
- was this helpful?
- was i too harsh? sometimes I feel too brutal or not enough! just let me know. i think i went a little harder on you because you're trying to publish on amazon.
- were you offended?

Please PM or comment if you have any questions about your review! You are free to request from me again! :)

Thank you,

— dreamfloats