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The Shearing

BOOK: The Shearing

AUTHOR: @Callie_Vinn

TITLE: I think your title is nice. I like that it's original and it's not something like "Hunted". I guess I don't really know why it's called what it's called though haha.

COVER: Your cover is so creative & nice. I don't have anything bad to say about it

SUMMARY:

So, I don't understand any of your first paragraph. "Everybody can't" isn't correct grammar. So I think that's what threw me off. I'm like 99% sure it's "and nobody can deny". Also, "So inhumane polices begin to rise" and "And the government comes up with what they call, 'The Shearing'" can be combined into one sentence.

Other than that, your summary is pretty good. It can be polished up here and there, but I'm not going to rewrite it.

CHARACTERS:
- Byrne: So I like Byrne. But I'm a little confused. So she makes Oliver call her Kiera, but nobody else calls her Kiera? I guess I didn't really understand that. Maybe I just misread, i don't know.
- Oliver: I don't really have an opinion on him. I feel bad for him.

RUSHED: I don't think your story is that rushed. I think you overdescribe a lot of scenes that don't need to be described in so much detail. Maybe it gives emphasis, but sometimes it got to the point where I wanted to click out of the book.

PLOT: I love the originality of your plot. I guess I have some questions though. So Byrne has a picture of Oliver in her locker at work...wouldn't the government be flashing pictures of the last person in the family they're hunting? If they aren't, does that mean if anyone recognizes Oliver they don't have to like turn him in? Also, if Oliver is being hunted why would he go to a grocery store!?? Does he have a suicide wish?

DESCRIPTIONS: Your descriptions are great in some places. You tend to over-describe, though. Some places can be toned up & others toned down...if ya feel me?

OVERALL THOUGHTS: I love the idea of your story. It's so original & awesome. Your writing tends to feel forced sometimes. Almost like it's too mature for the story/the characters. Other than that you're doing pretty darn great. Your verb tenses also seem to switch up in paragraphs.

HOW FAR I GOT: chapter four + prologue

OTHER:
- was i hooked: yes. the prologue was really interesting. the opening on the first chapter could've been stronger.
- would i keep reading: probably not. mostly because i don't read that much here on Wattpad.

ADVICE: keep writing! Your story is awesome, it may need a little tweaking here and there but it's good.

My questions for you:
- was this helpful?
- was i too harsh? sometimes I feel too brutal or not enough! just let me know.
- were you offended?

Please PM or comment if you have any questions about your review! You are free to request from me again! :)

Thank you,

— dreamfloats