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Daddy Issues

- sorry for the delay. my personal life has been a mess, but you don't want to hear about that.

BOOK: Daddy Issues

AUTHOR: ZariaValdez

TITLE: I actually really like your title. It's simple but I think that it's symbolism for the family problems the boys have (like them not accepting their sexuality). Usually, when a boy/girl grows up & they have problems that stem from an unhealthy relationship with their fathers. Or maybe I'm looking too much into it haha.

COVER: I like your picture. I think that your title can be bigger though. Personally I'm not a fan of the font but that's just me.

SUMMARY:

I like short summaries. I think that it's cute & certainly does give insight on the story. I don't know if I prefer a full blown summary.

CHARACTERS:
I really enjoyed reading about your characters. 100% I'm shipping Ryland and Eli.
- Ryland: I love love that he's going through a hard place trying to figure out his sexuality. I think that gives so much more to his character. However, I think that it's a little bit overwhelming him? It's like the only thing being talked about. Give Ryland a good reason not to want to figure out his sexuality, like homophobic friends, him being homophobic himself (unlikely, but yanno), him being scared of relationships in general, maybe even being afraid of what Eli would say when finding out Ryland's sexuality. (This is all later contradicted lol).
- Eli: He's an interesting character. I think he needs something to make him even more interesting. I think if you give him a flaw he'll be much more relatable. His dad being homophobic isn't his flaw, so it doesn't really work out. Maybe his flaw could be he lacks trust, he's not good at relationships, he's terrible at something.

RUSHED: Your story is rushed. Especially the date between Sebastian and Ryland. 10/10 deserved to be described in a lot more detail.

PLOT: I love the idea of your plot. I've always been a fan of boyxboy books. And I reading about people coming to terms with their issues (such as sexuality aka Ryland being pan). By the way, him being Pan is pretty good because that's rarely EVER talked about in boyxboy books.

DESCRIPTIONS: You need more descriptive words when it comes to dialogue tags & describing certain scenes and characters feelings. I think that in a lot of scenes you tend to ghost over the characters feelings when the scene is needed to build your characters.

OVERALL THOUGHTS: Your story is lovely. I truly did enjoy it. I do however have some problems.

1) you tend to not start a new paragraph when a new character speaks. later on you do but it's hard to follow the first couple of chapters.
2) when you do start a new paragraph, you don't space it so it's easier on the eyes. not saying you have to but it's just easier as a reader to follow.

HOW FAR I GOT: chapter V. Coffee and Cakes

OTHER:
- was i hooked: yessss
- would i keep reading: yesss

ADVICE: Keep writing! Give your characters more substance. Make them original.

My questions for you:
- was this helpful?
- was i too harsh? sometimes I feel too brutal or not enough! just let me know.
- were you offended?

Please PM or comment if you have any questions about your review! You are free to request from me again! :)

Thank you,

— dreamfloats ♡