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Mackenzie & The Boys

BOOK: Mackenzie & The Boys

AUTHOR: faeandflowers

TITLE: I think your title encases what your book is about, because your book is literally about Mackenzie and the Boys, but i think that it could be better.

COVER: Your cover is really nice. It's simple and very cute! Great job.

SUMMARY:

So I do like your summary. It does get your point across. I'm still going to rewrite it purely because I really like do that, haha.

Here's what I suggest:

Mackenzie Fosters can be described as three adjectives: fierce, fiery, stubborn. She's been deemed the "mysterious one" by her senior class. She's got a past she doesn't like to talk about that's got her chained to a town that's ridden with reminders of her burdens.

She needs to scrape by for one year and snatch a scholarship in order to out run her past, and of the hell hole called Fairwick.

Cue Trevor Muscillini—the privileged school quarterback that's ready to make Mackenzie's escape as hard as possible. With cards up his sleeve, he makes her a deal. A deal that will easily flip her world inside out.

But, with her past always being able to find a way to catch up with her and new problems seeping in, Mackenzie finds her future slipping right between her own fingers.

CHARACTERS:
- Kenzie: so I like that she's feisty. Right off the bat in your authors note you tell the readers that her moms an addict, but the readers should've found out that through the writing. Also, Kenzie doesn't really stand out. Her living alone makes her unique but she feels kind of bland. In the description you say that she wants to get out of town but in the actual story she doesn't describe that.

RUSHED: I think your story is a bit rushed. Everything happens realllly fast. I think parts of the story could be dragged out just a little.

PLOT: so your plot is kind of cliche & unrealistic (okay hear me out i know it's fiction). I like that Kenzie is a lot stronger than most girls in books like this, but 11 of the most popular guys suddenly want her? There isn't any development to why they would want her. Ty mentions Trevor's crush but then suddenly Trevor's making out with Rita?

DESCRIPTIONS: I think you do pretty well for descriptions but you tend to over-describe irrelevant parts of the text. You go into great detail about her short eyelashes but don't really go into much detail in other places?

OVERALL THOUGHTS it's : Your story is very nice! I do like it. I think that your story lacks something to really intrigue readers. Maybe it's only because there's only 4 chapters, and I'll be honest that isn't a lot of room for development. I think as the story progresses you will go deeper into the details of the boys life & maybe you could show that there lives really aren't that perfect. It will definitely make them more relatable. There are a lot of characters to keep track of which is overwhelming. One major problem I have is with your tenses. You seem to write mainly in past tense but then a paragraph later it's present tense. It gets kind of confusing.

HOW FAR I GOT: chapter 4

OTHER:
- was i hooked: i actually was
- would i keep reading: most likely not

ADVICE: keep on writing , just make sure to be careful with your tenses.

My questions for you:
- was this helpful?
- was i too harsh? sometimes I feel too brutal or not enough! just let me know.
- were you offended?

Please PM or comment if you have any questions about your review! You are free to request from me again! :)

Thank you,

— dreamfloats