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We're Just Girls

BOOK: We're Just Girls

AUTHOR: @Lady_Senpai

TITLE: Your title is okay. I think it could be worked on but yanno, I'm honestly a nobody.

COVER: I love your cover. It's so creative!

SUMMARY:

I think your summary is pretty good. The only problem I have is with "creepy note". I feel like you could really use a stronger word than creepy. I'm not going to rewrite your summary. If you need any pointers let me know in the comments and I'll focus on a few sentences and how to spice them up.

CHARACTERS:
Honestly, your characters are kind of dull. They're don't draw a reader in. I think it's mainly because I only read one chapter.

Also, something I noticed that Zach calls Natalie Grace? I don't know if that's a typo or what?

RUSHED: I think it's a bit rushed here and there. But I think your pacing is pretty good.

PLOT: I think your plot. It's pretty original, but I guess I have a few questions? So in chapter one, how did someone sneak a dead body into a school past everyone? That's highly unlikely. Secondly, how can the girls all think they killed him if they know he was killed by a gun...? That doesn't make sense. Unless they didn't know how he died, they could all think they killed him. But it's so specific so. Other than that your plot is pretty good.

DESCRIPTIONS: You tend to overdescribe scenes...like when Natalie was about to start smoking. You went into an insane about of detail how she was killing herself with the cigarette...but the readers aren't dumb. I think most of us would know how toxic a cigarette is, so it didn't add to the story.

OVERALL THOUGHTS: I think that the idea of your whole book is a super cool & intriguing idea. But I have a couple of problems.

1. Don't center all of your text. It's hard on the eyes. I know because personally I didn't want to read it centered. I wanted to click out as soon as I looked at the formatting
2. It's hard to follow your story when the POV is constantly changing. I think that your book would greatly benefit if you stayed on one girl for the whole chapter. You could go deeper into their characters.

HOW FAR I GOT: chapter 1

OTHER:
- was i hooked: yes.
- would i keep reading: i'm not sure. i like your idea but i don't like reading books where everything is centered

ADVICE: Please, please just don't center your text. Keep writing but also think about what I brought up in the plot section of your review.

My questions for you:
- was this helpful?
- was i too harsh? sometimes I feel too brutal or not enough! just let me know.
- were you offended?

Please PM or comment if you have any questions about your review! You are free to request from me again! :)

Thank you,

— dreamfloats