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Wooden Box

BOOK: Wooden Box

AUTHOR: @AYS_621

COVER: your title can't really be seen on your cover, which is the most important part. I love the amount of campaigns that your book supports but it's important that your title can be read.

TITLE: I like your title. It gives a mystery. I don't know how it will relate back to your story yet but I do like it.

SUMMARY:

There's nothing wrong with your summary. Personally, I don't think it gives enough to the story.

Here's my suggestion:
The life of Susan Edwards was ranked "perfect" by everyone around her. She had everything anyone could wish for. Then, her life took a turn as she fell to rockbottom, with no clue how to get back up.

On Susan's sixteenth birthday, her mother made the announcement that wreathed Susan's life with roses.

Little did Susan know, that even as beautiful roses are, they come with thorns--some of which are concealed.

[insert your last two paragraphs]

Just so you know, I'm not saying my summary is any better than yours! I'm just suggesting something I'd look at and want to read :)

CHARACTERS:
- Susan; honestly I feel a lot of empathy for her! She's so sad.
- Aunt Allie: I already dislike her.

RUSHED: since you only have two chapters I can't say if it is rushed or not. Since I'm not sure where the plot is going, it seems a little slow. Everything you write needs to lead up to the climax.

PLOT: so I'm not sure where you plot is heading because the summary doesn't really talk about it. The first two chapters don't hint at where the plot is going either.

DESCRIPTIONS: you're writing is truly amazing. I love your vocabulary. My only suggestion is describing the place where your character is just a little bit more.

OVERALL THOUGHTS: honestly I really like your story. I think that it's pretty good. You do a great job of explaining your characters thoughts! I also think your chapters could be just a little bit longer. I hate crazy long chapters but yours are a little short.

HOW FAR I GOT: the end of chapter 2 :)

OTHER:
- was i hooked: yes I was. Your opening was pretty amazing.
- did i like it: I did enjoy it. It's short and less than sweet but good!
- would i keep reading: most likely not. again, i don't read much on wattpad anymore because of my lack of time. it's nothing against your book or writing both of which are fantastic.

MORE:

So the underlined part confused me. "It had become" makes it sound like the mother still does that to Susan. There are a several ways to edit it, here are a few:

1. "it was"
2. "it used to be"
3. "for awhile it was"

ADVICE: keep writing and have fun! Just make sure to know where you want your story to go.

My questions for you:
- was this helpful?
- was i too harsh? sometimes I feel too brutal or not enough! just let me know.
- were you offended?

Please PM or comment if you have any questions about your review! You are free to request from me again! :)

Thank you,

— dreamfloats