Moments to Remember

Nightmares

People kept pushing me out of the way, like they didn't care that I was occupying a part of the sidewalk. 

"Get out of the way, stupid queer!" 

"Go back where you belong!"

"You make me sick!"

"God hates gays!"

Everywhere I turned, mean faces with mean words splashed at me like an angry sea. I kept yelling at them to stop but they didn't! They started to corner me and shout in my face, over and over again about how I was nothing, I should die, God hates me, I'm a disgusting beast. The words turned into monstrous blocks that build themselves up around me and when they got too tall they crumbled down on me, rebuilding and repeating it's actions. Blood washed down my face from open cuts and gashes as my screams increased in volume. I fell to my knees and every time I tried to stand up, I was pushed back down. The people grew into giants with red eyes that burned into my skin. They looked down on me like I was an ant inside a cup as the blocks continued to build up around me. Their hearty laughter echoed and rang in my ears.

I began pounding my fists into my head trying to make everything stop, but I kept hearing one voice louder than the others. The voice sounded familiar and was low and raspy...

"Brian? Briiian? Brian! BRIAN!" I kept hearing my name being called.

"Leave me alone! PLEASE!" I screamed back with everything I had, so loud that my throat and lungs ached. 

I felt the ground beneath me begin to shake. I started to panic and felt myself falling, my body felt cold and numb...

I awoke in a cold sweat.

"Brian?" I jumped at the voice beside me.

Roger's pleading pupils searched my face with worry furrowed in his brow. He had one delicate hand placed on my bare shoulder. My chest was heaving as I tried to regain my breath. I couldn't speak. Stinging tears began to welt up in my eyes, blurring my vision. I was immediately pulled into a strong embrace and Roger comfortably rubbed my back. I broke down in a hysterical cry and my whole body shook.

"Shhhh, Brimi, I'm here now. I've got you." Roger laid us both back down on the pillows and kissed my forehead sweetly.

I couldn't stop crying. It was like something triggered inside of me and opened up the flood gates. Tears were running down my cheeks in a steady stream, soaking my face, Roger and the pillow cases. I could taste the saltiness running into my mouth as I tried to catch my breath.

He didn't stop my crying. He always encourages me to let it all out. He did try to calm me down though. He rubbed my back and hummed sweetly in my ear until I was calm enough to talk to.

With my face buried in the crook of his neck, I had calmed myself to just hiccups. I was surprised Freddie nor John and come in to see what the commotion was for. I'm sure they heard it, but thought it best for Roger to comfort me. Roger always comforted me, even when we weren't a couple he always knew the best ways to make me feel better. I remember the first time he comforted me after I had a terrible nightmare...

It was a very hot, dry summer night after a concert. We were sharing hotel rooms, Freddie and John in one and Roger and I in another. I had tossed and turned for what seemed like forever, trying to fall asleep. I had finally fallen into an uncomfortable slumber and my mind began wandering. It started out as a peaceful dream, me in a field with tall grass surrounding me and the sun beating down on my back, but soon the dream became dark and eerie. The grass turned into snakes that wrapped themselves around me. I remember not being able to breath and I began panicking. I remember then waking up with the sheets wrapped tightly around me and I freaked out, yelling and trying to breath. Roger was there for me. He yanked the sheets off me and  calmed me down. He comforted me until I fell asleep.

He was there for me then and he's here for me now.

"Now that you're calmed down, d'you wanna tell me what just happened? It was a nightmare, wasn't it." That last sentence was more of a statement than a question.

I slowly lifted my head up and he reached beside him, grabbing some tissues from the tissue box on the side table beside my bed. I sniffled and he dabbed the tissue on my face, drying my tears.

"Roger... It just seemed so realistic..." I watched the drummer's face for a sign of reaction.

"What did?" He grasped my hand and I squeezed it lightly.

"I-I was just walking down the street... people were shoving me and yelling slurs at me..." Roger wiped away a single tear that had dribbled down from my eye, streaking down my cheek.

"You don't have to talk about it now if you don't want to." Roger spoke in a low, comforting voice.

"No, I want to tell you... they were saying harsh things... about my sexuality. Then these huge blocks started building up around me. I felt so closed in... some started to crumble down on me. They landed on me and cut me... I could literally feel the blood running down my face Roger!" He placed his hands on my forehead. 

"Well it wasn't blood but your forehead is drenched in sweat. That's probably what you felt." He pushed my hair away from my face and forehead to cool me off.

"They were like giants, I felt so small... but I kept hearing one voice in particular..." He cocked his head at me.

"Did you recognize the voice?" I looked straight into his eyes to answer him.

"It was you..."

*I'm so sorry it took me so long to update. I know this chapter isn't that long and it's a bit rushed, I really didn't know what to write. I have no clue where this is even going to be honest. I just hope it doesn't become too predictable or boring. I also hope that this chapter doesn't offend anyone, I know I used quite a few slurs in the beginning but it's just part of the story. Anyways, thank you to those of you who are actually still reading this. If you have any suggestions as to what you'd like to see, PLEASE feel free to comment about them.*