Not A Good Girl

22. Its Over

Sam's POV:

It's been about a month since Wes got out of the hospital. He gets his cast off today and he is finally free of his crutches.

It's been a month and the bag of cocaine is still sitting untouched in the my bedside drawer. I think about it constantly but I also think about Clare and how she can spill my secrets at any second. I wanted to tell Wes and my friends on multiple occasions but I never could get the words out of my mouth.

Wes and I haven't even gone on a date yet. We hang out at my house or sometimes his but he wanted to wait to go on a real date until he got his cast off. Ethan finally worked up the courage to ask out Laney and they seemed happy. Dario refuses all my attempts to let me play matchmaker and insists he doesn't need help.

I have spent one month trying to play nice with Clare and hide my secret from my friends. I feel like I have wasted a whole month and finally opening that bag is the only thing on my mind as I drove home.

Wes was coming over after his appointment to get his cast off so I knew I had to wait till until he left. I couldn't hang out with him when I was high. There would be no way he wouldn't notice. I wanted to keep this a secret for as long as I could.

The knock on my door alarmed me to the fact that Wes was here. I was happy to see him but the itch to open the bag was overwhelming. I swung the door open to see Wes smiling at me, no crutches in sight.

"Did you get your hair cut? I swear there is something different about you," I laughed.

"Shut up and let me in," He rolled his eyes.

I stepped aside letting him stroll into my house. He went straight to the couch, making himself comfortable.

"Don't get too comfortable Weston we aren't staying down here," I called out, walking into the kitchen.

I grabbed some chips and sodas and joined Wes in the living room.

"Where are we going?" He questioned.

"Upstairs."

Wes followed closely behind me as I trudged up the stairs, my arms overflowing with snacks. He was planning on taking me out on a real date this weekend and I was so excited. We have been dating for over a month now I think its time to go on a date. I was hoping that this date would be the perfect time for Wes to finally open up to me. I knew a lot about him but the one thing he never talked about was his father. If it wasn't impossible I would have thought he didn't even have one.

I never dared to ask about his father I knew he would tell me when he was ready so I stayed quiet. We talked about other things and I really couldn't blame him for being closed off, I refrained from mentioning more about my brother. There was still a lot he didn't know about me but it still felt like he knew so much more about me than I knew about him.

I dropped all the food on my bed grabbing some blankets and made myself comfortable.

"Wes you can pick out a movie," I directed, pointing to the shelves next to my television packed with DVDs.

I watched as Wes scanned the shelves looking for something to watch. I loved my collection, me and Nel used to going thrift shopping during the day looking for new additions. We would spend our nights watching those movies with alcohol and popcorn. It was our tradition what we did every Saturday, Fridays were for the bar, Saturdays were for the movies, and Sundays we parted ways and I would usually either go to the bar and find a guy to hook up with or just have chats with the bartender, Derek.

"What do you think about The Birds?" Wes asked holding up the movie.

Alfred Hitchcock was always a yes, I got that DVD from Nel for my birthday. It was the year Trevor got me my red leather jacket. It was also the last birthday I shared with my brother.

"I think it sounds perfect," I smiled. "Now I just need to find the remote."

I hang myself off my bed checking under my bed to see if it was hiding under there.

"It's not under the bed," I called out, still hanging upside down.

"Sam," Wes said sternly.

"Did you find it?" I asked pulling myself back up.

I looked at him first, his jaw was clenched and his face was blank. My eyes trained down to his hand with held a small plastic bag. I quickly glanced at my bedside table to see the drawer left open.

"Sam, What the hell is this?" He spoke.

I could hear the anger in his voice and it scared me.

"Ok I can explain," I rushed.

"You better have a damn good reason for there being cocaine in her bedside drawer," He yelled.

"I bought it but I haven't touched it since, I promise."

"When?"

"When you were in the hospital."

I felt so guilty I didn't want him to find out this way.

"That was over a month ago! You having been lying to me basically our whole relationship."

"I never lied about anything Wes. I am not some druggie, I never touched it," I reasoned.

"I can't do this Sam, I can't go through this again."

His expression changed, He was no longer angry. I could see the sadness fill his eyes where the anger used to be.

"What do you mean again?" I questioned.

"My father was a drug addict Sam, he left us when I was ten. My mom wanted him to stop using but he loved the high more than his own family. I can not go through that again."

I could see tears start to pool in his eyes. The subject of his father was not a happy one and I knew now why he never talked about it. I was an idiot, I knew Wes was going to be mad when he found out but I never predicted this. I could sense what was going to happen and I knew it was not going to be pretty.

"Wes I have never done drugs, I made a mistake when I bought it. I never touched it, that bag has been sitting in my drawer this whole time."

"So you weren't planning on ever touching it?" He demanded.

I hesitated. I thought back to earlier and how I was planning on doing it. I knew I had two options, tell him what he wanted to hear or tell him the truth.

"You better not fucking lie to me Sam!" He shouted.

"Ok I was going to use it but it was going to be just a one time thing, you have to believe me. I am not some addict," I pleaded.

"I believe you, I believe that you thought it would be a one time thing but you don't understand do you? Cocaine is a drug, its addictive and that need, that want it changes people. You might not realize that but I have seen it happen before and I have watched what it does to the people around them."

"I won't use it Wes I promise just please don't leave," I begged.

"I want to believe you Sam but I just can't I'm sorry but it's over."

He pushed past me, leaving me alone tears streaming down my face. I was shocked, Wes just ended things. I lost the one person I cared about most in this world. I really messed up this time.