babysitter g.d

twelve : no matter what

second update! what's good? enjoy!

i was enjoying the kiss i'm having with grayson right now. his lips are soft unlike cameron's. the way grayson held me when he kissed me is different from the way cameron kissed me. i shouldn't be enjoying any second of this because cameron's my boyfriend. i can't believe i'm actually cheating on cameron with my own boss.

when i realised that grayson is my boss and i have a boyfriend, i abruptly stopped and looked at him.

"no, this is wrong. i-i just cheated on cameron. grayson, i'm sorry." i apologised, looking down to stare at the bathroom floor.

"why are you sorry? you didn't do anything wrong. i know you have a boyfriend, reffda." he answered after he lifted my chin up with his index finger to make sure our eyes locked.

"it's wrong. i've never cheated on my boyfriend before. i'm scared he will leave me, grayson. i like cameron."

his eyes showed a mixture of disappointment and sadness. he's probably disappointed because i like cameron. he probably sad because he thinks that the kiss is a mistake. maybe it is, maybe it isn't.

"so, are you saying that this kiss is a mistake?" he asked, hurt flashed in his eyes.

"y-yes! o-of course, it i-is! grayson, i have a b-boyfriend." i stuttered.

he kept quiet. he let me go and moved away from me. it felt cold. i didn't feel grayson's warmth. i shook my head before taking all the boxes of razors and dumping it into the trash bin under the sink. i looked at him once more before i left the room.

i went back down to the living room to check on benson. he's still sleeping soundly so i chose not to disturb him or anything. i took a sit on the chair near the window that has a view of the garden outside. i sat there and stared, thinking about what i have done.

i fainted. i dreamt something bad. i saw grayson using a razor to slash on his wrist. i got to about grayson's feelings for me. i saw grayson trying to cut himself again because he said there's no point living if i'm dating someone else. i was kissed by grayson. and i was stupid to kiss him back.

i covered my face with my two hands. my life became complicated ever since i started working here. i don't know how i develop feelings for two people. it's not what i want. what i want is somebody to love and to be loved by that somebody.

however, when i'm with cameron, he hasn't given me any signs that he loves me. he acts as if he doesn't care about me anymore. i'm starting to wonder whether i made the right choice to date him.

my phone started vibrating in my pocket and fished it out to look at the caller's id. 'cameron <3'. i slide my finger to answer and placed the phone to my ear.

"hey, reffda. how are you? i'm sorry for not calling you. i was kind of, uh, busy." he started.

"hey, cameron. i'm fine. i get it you're busy." i paused and thought that i had enough of him saying he's busy. "you're too busy doing what? you've been always telling me you're busy, cameron. you're that busy that you can't even text me a message saying some things that can actually make me smile? cameron, we're dating. i know that you're working but at least send me a text. to let me know that you're okay or whatever."

"yeah, i know. i'm sorry." he apologised.

"it's okay. i'm sorry for shouting at you. i'm just- i had a bad day. that's all." i sighed into the phone, rubbing my forehead with my fingers

"why? what's wrong, reffda?" he asked, his voice laced with concern.

"no, it's nothing to worry about. you can go and continue doing your work. i just need some time alone." i said sadly.