Okay.
Maybe I kinda overreacted... Sorry for scaring you.
I'm just falling faster and faster. And the pain is getting stronger. And the voices are getting louder.
I just can't take it.
Do you ever wonder. That if that one incident, that made you cut or self harm for the first time didn't happen. Do you ever wonder if someone had distracted you before you could do anything that things could change and you wouldn't be here in the first place. You wouldn't be depressed. Maybe you would actually be happy.. If that one thing didn't happen. Or if you didn't let all the pressure take over. Or if you didn't let the demons win.
What would my life be like.
For me I think I would be dead. Because self harm brought me to church. I was saved there, I am saved. Though not completely. Every time something good happens to me I get slapped in the face by reality.
Me- yay I'm finally happy!
Reality- haha one sec
Me- oh c'mon!!
Reality- hahahahhaa told ya so.
I'm struggling. I'm slowly dying. There are two special people at church who know everything. They stopped me from making the biggest mistake in the world a few weeks ago. They know everything.
It's good to have older people know your problems. I mean ones not part of your family. I'm not smashing anything against telling your parents I actually encourage it.
It's just my parents weren't supportive at all.
But these two people are two of the most special people in my life right now. I am so grateful for them.
So what I'm trying to say is.
Have an accountability partner. Tell someone. Speak up.
Hey you can text me! Go ahead message me.
I will always be there for you. <3
Yano cuz ily.
Even though my life is really messed up now and I am threatening to commit suicide. I'm still here and I still care.
In reality no one really wants to die.
They just want to be saved.
So let me be the one to save you.<3
This note had a lot of different points. I just want to clear it up rn.
•I'm not committing suicide. At least not now.
•that rant... Idk what point I made there...
• and finally find and accountability partner.
•speak up
•message me for ANYTHING!!
^^anything at all^^
I love you guys. You cared when I was on the verge of overdosing on a bottle of pills. You helped me.
And I wanna help you.
Ilysfm.
-Aliyah
