16| Glimpse & Lies

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What made her strong was despite the million things that hurt her, she spoke of nothing

nothing but happiness

I know everything happens for a reason, but sometimes I wish I knew what that reason was

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I know everything happens for a reason, but sometimes I wish I knew what that reason was. It always leaves me heartbroken and clueless.

And every night when I lay my head down, my head fills with noises. The house can be so quiet yet so loud. No one is here, just me drowning in my thoughts. There are so many things I want to tell but I am scared... What if I tell someone and they reject me? Maybe she is right, maybe I deserve this. Deserve all of it and so much worse.

I let out a sad bitter chuckle as I drifted page to page, word to word, reading those dark little secrets that my younger self had written, trusting so blindly, believing that no one would ever come to know about it.

Shame, I could read it and remember the exact same memories and guilt we shared. That notebook was like a souvenir given to me by my agonizing past. So that I could never forget all the cruel things that had taken place, all the damage I had caused.

It was kind of toxic, I wanted to throw that away and live my life without worrying about anything, But I was scared. I was so used to it now that I feared what will happen if I forgot everything, If I have to move on? More importantly will I be able to move on? No.. it was the only familiar thing I felt in this unknown world.

"You sure, you don't wanna come with us?" Maria's voice echoed causing me to jump in my seat as I hurriedly closed the notebook and shoved it on the table among the other books.

"Yeah, I am not feeling very well today," I said, biting my lower lip and turned around guilty.

Maria looked at me through the mirror, brushing her hair slowly, she mumbled "Poor, I was looking forward to it"

I let out a sigh, feeling terrible for canceling our plans out of the blue, But I needed it. Don't know why, I just did.

"I am sorry. I swear, I'll make it up to you" I promised looking down at my hands, suddenly I felt like an awful friend.

"Don't be, I get it. But I swear to god, if you refused to go shopping with me next time. I will never share my dessert with you ever again" Maria's playful voice brought me back to reality as I rolled my eyes. It was a weak threat but it was fine.

"I promise, I won't" I assured in an earnest tone, nodding my head.

With her freshly braided hair, she turned around grinning clearly satisfied. Raising my hand I gave her a thumbs up, letting her know that she looked great in black legging and grey crop top.

"Well then am leavin now. Don't have fun without me" She warned me, putting on her sneakers.

"Yeah yeah whatever, there's nothing to do anyway" I waved my hand off dismissively and rolled my eyes.

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